#274 In which our hero sorts a great many comic books.

The Scientist and the girls are away for a week (!) visiting the grandparents. This left me with a lot of time on my hands in the evening, so I decided to undertake a big chore that I’ve been putting off for a long time: organizing my comics.

I’ve been collecting comics since I was in 5th grade. This means that a large portion of my collection is old superhero comics that no longer hold any real appeal to me. Not that I’d throw them out! So I have a bunch of longboxes in my basement filled with bagged and boarded comics that I haven’t looked at in years and years.

All of my books are alphabetically sorted and, honesty, that’s the problem. See, if I start collecting a new comic that starts with the letter “A” then if I want to file it properly, I’d have to find room in the “A” box for it. Add enough new comics and you have to displace some into the next box. Displace enough of the second box, and it cascades down and down until I’d have to fuss with a dozen boxes or so. Ugh.

So, instead, I keep a couple short boxes and file away my new comics in them. The idea being that I’d let them fill up, then have one big sorting session and put everything where it belonged.

That was about three years ago.

And, as I’m still getting new comics (not a lot, I probably get 2-4 books a week) I had something like 400 mixed comics in shortboxes; some in the basement with the rest of my collection, some in my bedroom.

I knew it was going to be a major undertaking, so I didn’t enter into it lightly. And I certainly wasn’t going to leave a bunch of my comics around where the kids could get at them. So, when it was decided that The Scientist would be taking the girls with her, leaving me alone in the house for a week, I knew it was time.

Step one: haul all boxes up out of the basement.


I suppose I could have done this in the basement, but I knew I’d be spreading out all over the room, and it would be more comfortable in the living room.

As any serious long-time collector can tell you, the photo above doesn’t show an overwhelming number of comics. I never bought a huge number of books, even in my hey-day. And as I got older and typical superhero books started to lose their appeal, I bought less and less. And there was one point where I decided that comic books were kid stuff and I was done buying them. I think that was around age 19. I think it lasted all of a year.

Why this is such an ordeal is that I have to pull out every comic, make sure they’re all in numerical order within the title, organize all the titles alphabetically, then stick them back in boxes. And, of course, stop and read a comic every now and again.

That’s what sucks up so much time, of course. If I just buckled down and powered through, I could probably finish in half the time.


But these comics are, in a very real sense, the only tangible reminders I have of my childhood. There are certain issues, or moments within an issue, that stick with me today. The death of Dr. Doom. Yellow Jacket sabotaging his career. The Invisible Girl having a miscarriage. Jesse finally kicking Jody’s ass. Dream challenging a demon to a battle of wits to retrieve his lost helm. Rorschach unmasked. The Bowel Disruptor.

And so on.

So I get sucked in and find myself reading. And reading. And while there are a lot of books that still hold a special appeal to me, I also come across ones where I'm like, "why the hell did I ever buy this?" And I have to read it to try to figure out the answer to that question. Bottom line is that it always takes way too long to get this chore done. I'm lucky that I had an entire week.


ABOVE: halfway done.

Turns out I have a comic for every letter of the alphabet (thank you Quantum & Woody and Y: The Last Man) and I also have a robust "S" section. Long runs of Sandman, Starman, Sin City and a surprisingly large assortment of Spider-Man and Superman comics; surprising only in that I've never really gone out of my way to collect those titles.


ABOVE: 95% done.

The clock started to run out, because the girls come home on Sunday, and I was busy all day Saturday. So Friday night I buckled down and finished sorting, and boxed everything up again.


ABOVE: 1:30am, done! All that's left is to hump all these boxes back into the basement.

Until next time.

###

#267 In which our hero discusses a movie that he may have mentioned his desire to see in passing, pt. II

Part I here.

THINGS I DIDN'T LIKE, BUT UNDERSTOOD.

The pacing.

This was, by far, my biggest gripe about the entire movie. It just seemed like everything moved so fast. Of course, there's a lot of ground to cover in the comic, and Zack Snyder seemed determined to keep as true to (and as much of) the source as he could. But the result, in my opinion, was a breakneck pace. I kept thinking to myself, “Wow, this is good... imagine how much better it would be if they had more time... like a 12-hour HBO miniseries.”

So, even though I enjoyed seeing all this little moments from the comic, none of them got as much attention as they deserved. Take Rorschach's series of interviews with the doctor in prison. This is reduced to a single encounter lasting a minute or so. I'm curious if people who hadn't read the comic felt the same as I did. The comic unfolds at a somewhat leisurely pace, comparatively. But if you hadn't read the book, maybe it just seemed like an action-packed movie.

After watching the movie, I have a renewed respect for how well the comic narrative is put together. One event flows nicely to the next; and things that you thought were just set dressing turn out to be important in the end (Oh, the crazy guy with the END IS NEAR sign was really Rorschach? That missing comic book writer was key to the mystery? In the end Ozymandious refers to The Black Freighter thing going through the entire movie? No shit?)

The fast pace also forced some of the things that unspooled organically in the book to seem rushed to the point of incomprehension in the movie. Doctor Manhattan is the perfect example of this. In the comic he started out in a full black body suit for a costume. As time passed his costume became skimpier and skimpier until he wore nothing at all. But in the movie, rather than this being an illuminating metaphor for him becoming more and more disassociated from the human race, he starts out in a Speedo then, a scene later, he’s naked.

Sub-plots.

There was no way that everything was going to fit in this movie, but some of the critical sub-plots which needed to be there were almost just mentioned in passing.

The Comedian/Silk Spectre I/Silk Spectre II sub-plot is a perfect example. We see the Comedian trying to rape Laurie’s mother, then we find out he’s actually Laurie’s father. No time is spent developing this incredibly complicated and human relationship.

And there are other odd incongruities, things related to sub-plots that weren’t developed. Like Bubastis. Without the tie-in to the squid, and the explanation that she (Bubastis) was an early triumph in genetic manipulation... there's really no reason for her to be in the movie. In fact, I have to think that virgin viewers would think, “Um, what the hell is that? And why's it in this movie?” Also, near the end when Doctor Manhattan reassembles himself (again) he speaks the line right out of the comic; “It didn't kill Osterman, did you think it would kill me?” And I had to stop and think, have they established that Doctor Manhattan's real name is Osterman? Was that even mentioned?

THINGS I DIDN'T LIKE AND DIDN'T UNDERSTAND

Silk Spectre & Ozymandias’ costumes

Like I said, I liked most of the costume updates, but these two really fell flat for me. From the first still I saw of Silk Spectre’s costume I didn’t like it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for skin-tight latex on the ladies, but her costume seemed needlessly complicated. I guess that’s a corset thing around her middle? It just seemed to me that you could have updated his costume, kept it sexy, but not have had so many moving parts. But I actually have much bigger issues with Ozymandias’ getup. I understand that the gold and purple thing of the comic doesn’t seem especially heroic onscreen… and they did capture the Egyptian feel of it in the movie. But I hated the giant foam muscles. Not only was it obnoxious (and way too reminiscent of the worst of the movie Batman suits), it didn’t feel true to the character. Ozymandias never enjoyed playing superhero like the others, and he certainly didn’t need to enhance his look with fake muscles. If anything, it seems like Ozymandias would have a simpler, more functional costume.

Laurie and Dan getting mugged.

This is right out of the comic, of course... Laurie and Dan and jumped by a gang of toughs in an alley, and they have to fight them off. But unlike the comic, Laurie and Dan seemed to have no qualms about MURDERING several of them. As in, NiteOwl snaps a guy's neck, and Silk Spectre stabs a guy in the neck with a knife. They're still supposed to be superHEROES, and this just seemed way out of character.

The ending.

Yes, I know I wrote that I was okay with the ending… and mostly I am. But there’s something fundamentally different about positioning the attack as being from Doctor Manhattan and from an alien squid. In the comic, it’s made clear that the squid appearing wasn’t an act of war, it was a mistake. As such, the world unites to deal with something that may or may not occur in the future. This, in my mind, makes it much more conceivable that Adrian could guide the world toward a new utopia. Because this wouldn’t happen in the movie version. If all of the world’s governments thought that Doctor Manhattan attacked them, and that he might do it again at any moment, this wouldn’t lead to utopia… if anything, it would lead to the largest police state ever known. I can’t imagine any politician would support funding for the arts when a giant blue mass-murderer was on the loose. If anything, the world would be united in building the biggest gun possible. This would lead to a state of unending war preparation… something not conducive to enlightened thinking.

I’m sure there’s plenty of other little things that I loved or hated that I’m forgetting at the moment. I did only see it once. After I’ve watched it a bunch of times on DVD (oh yes, I’ll definitely be buying the super-duper extended director’s cut platinum edition) will I pick up on everything.

Maybe I’ll even go see it again in the theater. But if I want to, I best hurry… it’s kinda tanking. Which really tells me everything I need to know about want non-fanboys think of it.

###

#267 In which our hero discusses a movie that he may have mentioned his desire to see in passing, pt. I

I spent a fair amount of time obsessing about the Watchmen movie on this site before its release and now people (and by “people” I mean my brother-in-law) are busting my balls about not commenting on it. So, my thoughts on the Watchmen movie follow.

A little aside first: The Scientist and I planned on seeing it opening day. I’m really not an opening day sort of guy, but I was extremely curious about the movie and -ahem- eager to see it, so we made plans. In fact, I took a half-day off work so we could see a matinee. Seemed like the best way to avoid the crush of unwashed fanboys. So we planned on meeting at a theater that’s about halfway between home and my work.

I left work a little later than planned, so I was rushing to get to the theater. Thankfully, the route is a little four lane divided highway that doesn’t see a lot of traffic outside of rush hour. But, of course, since I was trying to get to a movie, it suddenly became s a huge stop and go traffic jam. The road rage immediately wells up inside me. I call my wife to say something like, “Well, I’m suddenly stuck in a FUCKING traffic jam for no GODDAMN good reason and I’m not even FUCKING sure if I can get to the COCK-SUCKING theater in time now!”

Another aside: I’m very particular about where I sit in a movie. I like to be three-quarters of the way back, and as centered as possible. And it’s not just that I’m a prima donna… if I sit too close to the screen it strains my eyes (and if I have to sit in the first couple rows, it strains my neck). I hate it. This most likely stems from going to movies with my friends in high school and screwing around so much ahead of time that we got crappy seats. So now, anytime we’re running even slightly late for a movie, I, well, I turn into a dick. Because I want good seats! The Scientist is well aware of this propensity to dickness, and does what she can to keep us on time.

So, taking these two factors into consideration, I was nearly beside myself trying to get to the theater. And, as it turns out, I got there on time, and even had time to pee before it started (it is 3 hours long, y’know). So when we finally entered the theater we found maybe 10 other people in there. THEN we sat through 15 minutes worth of coming attractions. All my stress was for nothing.

So, on to the actual movie. And here’s the part where I have to say SPOILERS AHEAD, and if you haven’t seen the movie and don’t want to have anything ruined stop reading now and blah, blah, blah. Frankly, if you’ve read this far, I’m going to assume you’re a big enough geek that you say it opening day like me.

In general, I enjoyed the movie. I knew there was going to be some major changes from the graphic novel, especially the ending (more on that later). So I went in with expectations managed, and by and large, it didn’t disappoint. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t LOVE the movie, but I did enjoy it. There were things in it that I liked very much, things I didn’t like but understood why they changed them, and things I didn’t like and didn’t understand.

THINGS I LIKED.

The sets.

I read ahead of time about the amount of detail they put into the sets, and it really showed. Every room was packed with little details, most of which flashed by far too fast to really appreciate. I imagine that once out on HD DVD, there will be plenty for fanboys to pause and admire. I especially enjoyed the care they took to match the color schemes from the comic. Dave Gibbons (the guy who drew Watchmen) took care to choose colors that were fairly non-traditional… most comics, at least old-school comics, use primary colors: reds, greens, blues. Watchmen used a lot of secondary colors, especially oranges and purples. By the way, the original comic was colored by a man named John Higgins, who rarely gets any credit for his contribution to Watchmen.

The costume updates.

Comic book costumes rarely translate well on the screen; that’s why you’re not seeing Wolverine running around in yellow and blue spandex in the X-Men movies. And remember that this comic came out in the 80’s, so the costuming aesthetic is a little different. By and large, the costume updates were cool (with two notable exceptions in my mind, see below). It’s no secret that Rorschach is my favorite character, and he looked great. Niteowl’s update was a rather big change, but it stayed true to the original, I thought. Also: the Owlship was dead on. And I really liked how they handled Doctor Manhattan. I sure at some point some studio head said, “Um, does this guy really need to be naked the entire time?” But naked he was, and unabashedly so. In the comic he clearly had some sort of odd texture to his skin, and I think they made a real effort to convey that… even if it just ended up making him look dirty most of the time, in my opinion.

Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach.

Holy crap, this guy did a fantastic job. I was a little iffy on him from some of the trailers I saw, but in the movie he completely pulls it off. I think I enjoyed him as the unmasked Rorschach even more than when he was wearing his “face.” The voice, the stiffness of his movements, the emotion in the end… incredible. I would have liked to see a whole lot more of him.

The ending.

Not that I didn’t want to see the giant squid, we ALL wanted to see the giant squid… but there’s just no way that was going to happen. I mean, in the end this still had to be a movie with broad appeal. If, after spending 2 ½ hours in a movie theater, the typical non-fanboy was suddenly presented with a giant intra-dimensional squid monster, there would have been hell to pay. I’m sure many people were confused as it was, but the WTF? reaction coming out of the theater would have been off the charts.

I thought the ending as presented still embraced the spirit of the comic (not that there aren’t problems with it, again, see below) but presented it in a fashion that was easily explained and digested by the non-obsessive fan.

This is getting really long. Think I’ll break it into two parts.

###

Keen Keene

Remember, the Watchmen premier is only a month away!

###

#266 In which our hero welcomes back a long-forgotten retailer.

I know I wrote about New Comic Book Guy, but did I tell you about New NEW Comic Book Guy?

Well, New NEW Comic Book Guy is actually a girl! Gasp! It went down like this: New Comic Book Guy announced to me one day that he was leaving. Moving on to a better job. And I’m all, good for you! Because working in a comic book store is sorta a shitty job. I mean, if you’re a 30-year-old burn out, then yeah, sitting around all day talking about comics and taking people’s money for the same might appeal. But New Comic Book Guy clearly had more ambition than that, so he jumped ship.

For a time there was a substitute--surprisingly, also a woman. She was older and actually worked in the other store (guy who owns this store has two locations, I believe) and was just filling in until the owner could hire a permanent New NEW Comic Book Guy.

So one day I go in and there’s this young woman behind the counter. I say hi, tell her my name so I can get my pull, then head to the new issue tables to see if there’s another else I wanted. It was a Thursday, because I only get my new books on Thursdays. Wednesday is actually the day new books come out, but the store is packed with comic book geeks on that day, so I avoid it. Anyway, there’s me and one other guy in the store. He starts to talk to her, and we learn three things:

1. The owner hired her because he’s a friend of her father
2. Previously, she was working as a bartender
3. She doesn’t read comic books

#3 is alarming, of course. Why work in a comic book store if you don’t dig on comics? She tells the guy that she’s making more money doing this than tending bar, which makes me think she had to have been a pretty shitty bartender; because this job can’t pay jack.

Then this comic book geek starts to chat her up, and it’s a little obnoxious. He’s probably 40 years old, and she’s clearly in her twenties. I very nearly step in and say, “Dude, you’re making all us comic book geeks seem like creeps; cut it out, huh?” But he pays for his books and leaves. I likewise pay for my books and bug out.

In the weeks to come, I try to be friendly and make conversation. This is a means to an end, of course, because what I really want is for her to learn my name so she can see me coming, fetch my books, and hand them to me as soon as I walk in the store. Plus, part of me wants her to know that not all comic book guys are weirdoes.

One day I’m chatting with her, asking her why she’s working in a comic book shop if she doesn’t like comics, why she doesn’t like comics and blah, blah, blah. At one point I get the vibe that she maybe thinks I’m hitting on her and suddenly I feel like the 40-year-old creep making moves on the young clerk and I’m disgusted with myself. I think next time I go there I bring the girls, as if to say, “Look! I’m really a family man! Not a creep! No siree, no me!” This perhaps does not work.

Anyway, before the New Year she tells me that she’s leaving. Going back to bartending. Which, y’know, whatever makes you happy. But she has another bombshell: original Comic Book Guy is coming back! More on that in a moment.

So in addition to my regular pull I pick up a new reprint of Watchmen #1… this is clearly out to support the movie (which, holy shit, I now realize is only a month away!) and I don’t need it, but buy it anyway. Maybe the writer and artist will get a couple extra bucks. But when she rings it up she says:

HER: Looks like that Watchmen movie might not happen (this was when the studio was still in negotiations with Fox, and there was talk about the film being delayed).
ME: Yeah.
HER: That would really rock the world of all your comic book geeks, huh? Bring you to tears.
ME: Heh, yeah.

What I didn’t say was, “Y’know what? Fuck you.” Because we comic book geeks had been paying this girl’s salary for half a year now, and she certainly wasn’t making any cracks about her clientele then.

But she’s gone now. And original Comic Book Guy is back!

This made me sad when I first heard the news. Because in the four years that I dealt with him, he seemed like a big, chubby zero. But then he got married, and quit the comic book shop to go work for a bank. And I thought, good for you, dude. Growing up, getting a real job. Well done.

But coming back to the shop seems like such a back slide. Again, it can’t pay that well, and it just seems like such a dead-end sort of position.

But, as so often happens when I pre-judge people… I was off the mark. Maybe.

First time I go back there when he’s working I say hi, welcome back, blah, blah. He remembers my name and fetches my pull without being asked (bonus). I ask him about the bank job, and he tells me it was boring, and he changed jobs a couple of times before the store owner finally offered him this job back.

And he went on to tell me how he and the store owner have big plans for the store, and he’ll be spearheading new stuff, and much of it sounds like BS to me. The kind of stuff you’d say to a guy to get him to accept the job… and only too late he finds out it’s all bunk.

But, Comic Book Guy does tell me something that seems very real: he says that he worked in comic book retail for 10 years, and you don’t stay in a business that long unless you really love it.

Hmm.

That I can understand. So while I was quick to think of him as a loser, a man-boy who never grew up, I never took time to consider that maybe this is the profession for him; maybe it’s his calling. And honestly, if he’s happy doing it, why am I so quick to shit on him?

It’s these moments of self-reflection that make me stop and reconsider my opinions.

So anyway, I have a new attitude now. Comic Book Guy is happy with his work, far as I know, and so I’m happy for him. Somebody’s got to sell me my weekly illustrated fix, after all.

And better the original Comic Book Guy than some snotty girl.

###

KID VID

Hey! Who wants to obsessively critique new footage from the Watchmen movie? I know I do!

This is the expanded trailer show at Comic-Con 2008 in front of an audience of fanboys who were most certainly beside themselves with joy.



Okay, so there really isn't that much new here. But some of the new stuff I find very interesting.

0:13 Hey, Janey Slater again! And none too happy with Jon. Hint to any craftsman working the geek market: start making and stockpiling these earrings now.
Lots of stuff we've already seen. I like the music, though... is that Phillip Glass?
1:36 Finally, something new! And it's Laurie uncovering the Owl Ship. Big whoop.
1:53 Huh, Jon pouring over watch parts. The flashback to his past, or him fixing Janey's watch?
2:04 Man, Zach Snyder can't get enough mileage out of Osterman being blow to atoms.
2:15 Yeah, definitely Phillip Glass.
2:19 Does anyone else find this Nixon makeup less then convincing? Or is this supposed to be Bob Hope?
2:25 Hey! Is that Wally Weaver, "Dr. Manhattan's Buddy"? Funny.
2:39 This is the part that excites me the most. A little kid with an evil look? That's got to be a young Rorschach. Which means that they get into Rorschach's backstory in the movie. Which doesn't surprise, not given the level of detail we've seen in other clips. But I've never been shy about saying that sick, disturbing and completely fucked-up Rorschach is my favorite character. I'm really hoping they get his character right. The two scenes I'm most looking forward to (other than the giant space squid, which isn't going to happen) is the capture of Rorschach and his session(s) with the prison doctor. Dear Zach Snyder: please don't fuck these up.
2:50 Hello, Moloch! Great casting. Glad to see Max Headroom getting work.

Well, I continue to be impressed by the individual scenes. I just hope they all knit together to create an engaging movie.

Oh, and it appears that my somewhat obsessive following of this movie has been noticed in the larger world. Observe:



I got two of these. One for my birthday from The Scientist, and one from my brother- and sister-in-law (which, BTW, great non-wishlist gift, guys!). This is, of course, the coffee table book "Watching the Watchmen." It's subtitled "The Definitive Companion to the Ultimate Graphic Novel," to which I have to say, "Um, bullshit."

Now, don't get me wrong, it's a great book (not great enough to have two copies, but great nevertheless) and it is jam-packed with never before seen drawings, and rare editions, etc. The problem is that only Dave Gibbons participated in the creation of this book. Gibbons is the artist, of course. The writer, Alan Moore, is notorious for having nothing to do with any adaptations of his work. He has washed his hands of the movie (as he did with other movie adaptations of his work, including V for Vendetta--a smart move, if you ask me) and, far as I can tell, he didn't participate in this book at all, either.

So, if you want to learn more about the drawing of Watchmen, this might just be the definitive companion, but if you're interested in the creation of the story, the pacing or the plot, the inspiration for the characters... well, you're out of luck.

And that's exactly what I wanted to know about. The first couple pages include copies of the actual script that Moore sent to Gibbons... and it's the barest taste of the crazy that must exist in there. First of all, they're typewritten which, I suppose, was par for the course in the 80s. Sometimes I forget that it really wasn't the long ago that word processors overtook manual typewriters and -egads!- handwriting.

Anyway, the pages appear to be cracked out on a ragged machine that can barely keep equal spacing. The script for issue one, page one, begins:

PAGE 1.
1.
ALRIGHT..I'M PSYCHED UP, I'VE GOT BLOOD UP TO MY ELBOWS, VEINS IN MY TEETH AND MY HELMET AND KNEEPADS ARE SECURELY FASTENED. LET'S GET OUT THERE AND MAKE TROUBLE! THE FIRST PAGE IS A SERIES OF VERTICAL JUMPS THAT TAKE UP US IN A STRAIGHT PROGRESSION FROM A MINUTE AND MICROSCOPIC DETAILED VIEW OF THE GUTTERS...

Now, maybe this is standard fare for comic scripts, but seems to smell of crazy. Then again. Alan Moore has carefully created a persona of the mad Englishman. This may in fact be his real personality, but it all seems very manufactured to me.

Anyway, my point is that I'd like to see ALL of the scripts. The book contains only the first page. It hints at the 90 or so pages that exist for each issue, but we don't get to see them. Maybe there just wasn't enough room. Even though there was enough room to show the pencil thumbnails that Gibbons drew for each issue. And they are interesting, I suppose, but I really had seen enough after a couple of issues. Yeah, that looks just like the finished comic page, except much smaller and rougher!

Because as much as I enjoy the art of the book--and I do, very much--I want to know something about the plotting, the nitty-gritty of getting all the plotlines to work together as well as they do. I mean, were all the little details figured out from the start, or was Moore just flying from the seat of his pants? I mean, I've read about how the story was originally created with throw-away Charlton characters, but when that fell through, Moore and Gibbons invented all new characters. But the story is so dense with information (not even including the prose sections in the back of each book) it boggles my mind as to how you even approach such a story. And from what I understand Moore was writing the thing as it was being published. So it wasn't like he could go back and change something in issue 1 to make something in issue 10 work out better. It's amazing.

Or, I think it's amazing. The book gives no insight into the writing, so all I can do is guess.

But, y'know, maybe that's a good thing. I mean, I've read and re-read Watchmen dozens of times. I've read additional material and articles about the book. I've read this book. I've been following the movie news. I've dived deeply into the mythos of Watchmen, and uncovered just about everything I could. But the actual writing remains a mystery. And maybe I enjoy Watchmen all the more because of it.

###

#260 In which our hero finds his inkblot-related enthusiasm dimming

The new Watchmen trailer is out. 

You may recall that I was nearly beside myself with excitement after viewing the first one. This new one? Not so much. 

There will probably be spoilers after the video if you've not read the book or heard anything about the movie. So, y'know, heads up.

Maybe I find myself disappointed because I loved the first trailer oh-so much. And actually, there's little new content here. But what is new really brings to light some of the rumors I've heard about the movie... changes that I'm not really hip on.

0:10 Starting here we get a couple seconds of material that's only hinted at in the book. While inventing new material might seem like high treason to hard-core fans, I think this is actually well done. 

---

0:16 "Just a matter of time, I suppose." Cool line!

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0:30 I'm not really digging the music, either. That might have something to do with my dislike of the trailer.

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0:33 I saw some online criticism of Rorschach calling the group "Watchmen" when the real name (in the book) was "The Crime-Busters." To which I say, "Dude, seriously? You're upset about that?" 

---

1:00 And at one minute in comes my two biggest beefs:

---

1:01 This appears to be a nuclear explosion in New York. I've read that the ending has been changed considerably... and, y'know, as much as I don't like it, I understand it. I mean, if you walk into that theater and sit there for two hours and fifteen minutes only to see a giant space squid teleport into NY, you're going to be like, "What the fuck?!" From what I've read the space creature has been replaced with a more conventional explosion. 

Which causes ALL sorts of problems. 

In the book the only reason that Ozymandias' scheme worked is because the threat was so large, so un-understandable that the world had no choice but to lay down their arms and rally together to face it. But if it's just a bomb... how's that going to unite the world? 

Now, I'm still holding out hope because the explosion in the trailer doesn't look like your typical mushroom cloud. I'm hoping it's a crazy extra-dimensional rift or some BS like that so the flavor of the ending is still there, sans giant space squid. 

But... how's that going to work with the rest of the movie? Remember that The Comedian saw the secret island where this thing was being created, which set into motion everything that follows: his visit to Moloch (a character we saw in the first trailer), his death (which we just saw 30 seconds ago), the investigation by Rorschach... basically, everything in the movie hinges on this discovery. So, if it's just a bomb... why would The Comedian react the way he does? How could he grasp the enormity of Ozymandias' plan? 

I'm not opposed to this change, again, I understand why, but I just wonder how they're going to maintain the carefully crafted structure of the narrative without the squid. Anyway, back to the trailer:

---

1:03 Oddly enough, I'm more bothered by this part than the change in the ending. If you listen to Rorschach here, he sounds way out of character to me. "... so we can't do anything to stop it." We? He's not exactly a team player by this point in the story. And worse yet:

---

1:10 "An attack on one, is an attack on all of us." What? Now, Rorschach cares about people (especially Nite Owl) in his own fucked-up way, but for him to articulate this solidarity like this just doesn't seem right to me at all. And finally, worst of all:

---

1:18 "Retribution." No way. Rorschach is logical and coldly calculating... he's not out looking for retribution or revenge for the death of his former teammates. This characterization is completely wrong, in my opinion. 

Now, I'm hoping that this is just marketing. That the editors have stitched together bits and pieces of dialog to sell the story to those who aren't familiar with the source material (because, admit it, if you've read the book you ARE going to see the movie. I don't care how shitty the trailers get or the reviews are, I'm going to be right there in line opening night--so they don't need to market to me). If you're trying to explain these characters in two minutes, it's easy to paint Rorschach as the psychopath looking for revenge. That's easy to grasp. 

---

1:23 Huh? Is Ozymandias English now?

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1:36 Dr. Manhattan speaks! I appreciate the director not giving him a crazy echo-y, over-processed voice. Because you know the temptation was there.

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1:49 The owl ship crash landed in the Antarctic. Will we get to see hoverbikes? Let's hope so (but don't hold your breath).

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1:51 The capture of Rorschach. Frankly, if they get this scene right, that'll go a long way toward making me like the movie. If the actor can nail his screaming "Give me my face back!" it will be worth the price of admission for that alone.

---

2:13 Hmm, nuclear dream sequence. Does that mean we'll get to see Silk Spectre's boobs? 

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2:29 Release date is still set for 3/06/2009. Let's hope this means that the legal wrangling over studio rights has been settled. I'll be super pissed if this thing is delayed.

So there you have it. I'm still hopeful for the movie version that I have in my head, but lots of little things give me pause. 

###

#251 In which our hero posts the first of what will undoubtedly be a long string of Watchmen-related entries.

I’m a big fan of Watchmen.

If you’re not familiar with this graphic novel, then follow the link to the Wikipedia article, which gives a thorough introduction to the story. Or, better yet, run out to your local comic book store and pick up your own copy. With the movie coming out in early ’09, they’re sure to keep some in stock.

In all fairness, I warn you now that I assume that anyone who bothers to read this blog is already familiar with the story. As such, I’m not going to make any effort to keep it spoiler-free. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

The Watchmen comic book was originally published in 1986, so it’s not like it’s anything new. Shortly thereafter, talk began of turning it into a film. In fact, several famous directors began work on it… and they all petered out in the end.

And understandingly so. Even though it was originally published as a 12-issue limited series, the scope of it is immense, intimidating so. It has been said that this single comic book story forever changed the way comics are regarded. Now, that might be a bit of hyperbole, it’s not like suddenly post-1987 that comics are regarded as true literature in this country; but there’s no doubting that Watchmen is in a league of its own. It’s so dense, thematically and visually, that it really takes a couple of readings to really appreciate it. Being that I was only 17 when I first read it means that a lot of it went over my head. I think it’s a testament to the storytelling that when I read it now (in the collected graphic novel format, of course, my single issues safely bagged and boarded and set aside) it still holds up amazingly well; in fact, I suspect I enjoy it more now.

Yeah, I’m a fan.

So, back to the movie. I remember reading a bootleg copy of a script proposal in 1988 or so. It was written by Sam Hamm (a name that’s easy to remember) and someone who was no stranger to comic book movies.

The script sucked.

Mr. Hamm apparently is of the group of people who think the original story in the comic is unfilmable, so he chucked everything except the characters and created his own story; one that VERY loosely followed the original plot.

Being that I’m such a fan of the comic, I secretly wanted to see it become a film. I had assumed that it would be an animated movie, since that seemed like the easiest route to create a film that’s faithful to the comic. And, every couple of years, I hear something about the movie switching directors or a new script being shopped around… I didn’t really expect it to ever happen.

Then… it was announced that this Zack Snyder guy was going to make the film. I never saw 300, his big directing claim to fame… but I heard it was good and it was loyal to the comic. I took a wait and see attitude, since the project had fallen through so many times before.

But, a cast was announced and little bits and pieces of the production were released to the Internet (including some very convincing sets) and it seemed like this film might actually happen.

I was excited, of course. I mean, what fanboy can claim in good conscious that he wasn’t thrilled to see one frame of Rorschach in the 300 clip?

You know you were. But I was still tempering my excitement. I was excited to see Ang Lee’s Hulk, too, and that, of course, was a gigantic steaming turd of a movie.

Then Snyder released images of the cast in their costumes. I was impressed. They were updated from the comic book costumes; but I’m okay with that because if we’ve learned anything about comic book movies it’s that the spandex costumes generally don’t translate to the big screen very well. They captured the flavor of the original costumes without looking completely hokey.

But, we still hadn’t seen any real footage of the film, and we hadn’t seen Dr. Manhattan at all. Being that he was a glowing blue naked guy, the chances of him looking stupid seemed high. I was still holding out any judgment until I saw something real.

And then, the trailer was released.

Holy. Shit.

How blown away were you, you ask? Why, let me tell you, second by second, how blown away I am.

0:23 Jon Osterman in the Intrinsic Field Chamber. What’s he holding in his hand? Janey Slater’s watch, of course. Awesome visualization of what happened to him in the comic.

---

0:31 Owl Ship! And it looks great!

---

0:40 Silk Specter! Her costume is a pretty big departure from the comic, but I have to say I like it. Sexy.

---

0:42 Nite-Owl kicks some ass while busting out Rorschach!

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0:44 Blake takes a big fall.

---

0:46 Ozymandias. I’m a little disappointed that they cut right to him after the previous scene. I mean, no-one who hasn’t read the book gets the significance of that, I guess, but it still feels like an unnecessary giveaway.

Speaking of Ozymandias, his costume looks like the biggest departure from the comic. And I’m not sure why… the comic book costume looks like it would have translated without a lot of fuss. But, we probably will see Veidt actually in costume only a small fraction of the movie, so I suppose it doesn’t really matter. Looks like he’s standing in front of the wall of monitors in his Antarctic fortress.

---

0:48 Osterman begins to reform himself! This seems like a detail that, while visually really cool, could be glossed over due to lack of time. It’s exciting to me that they’re going to include it.

---

0:52 Rorschach’s capture. Can’t wait to see this.

---

0:54 I can’t quite figure out everything that’s going on with Silk Specter’s costume. Am I seeing her nipples here?

---

0:56 Dr. Manhattan! And here I was worried that we wouldn’t see him until the movie actually came out. And he looks awesome!

---

1:05 This is the “Guess what? Not really a kid’s movie!” moment as the Comedian burns some surrendering Vietnamese alive…

---

1:07 … and likes it.

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1:19 Jeez, okay, I was wrong, I get it, you ARE going to show Dr. Manhattan! I don’t need to see him fully naked in the trailer!

---

1:29 Rorschach fighting Jacobi? Another level of detail I wouldn’t have expected.

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1:30 Veidt about to kill his “attacker.” For some reason I really dig this move.

---

1:32 Huh, what’s going on here? From the snow, I’d guess this is Nite-Owl’s reaction to Rorschach’s final demise. But he wasn’t there in the comic, and if he were, I don’t think this is how he would have reacted. Hmm, troublesome.

---

1:33 And if you didn’t get it that this isn’t a kid’s movie… here’s Dr. Manhattan blowing up a retreating Vietnamese soldier.

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1:40 Rorschach speaks! This isn’t had I imagined his voice would sound… but then again, I realize that I don’t know what I expected his voice to sound like. The comic makes a big deal about how monotone his voice is, and there’s a little more inflection then I would have guessed. And how do you even approach that, as an actor? Your only reference is that when he talks in the comic his word balloons are more jagged than the other characters. Not much to go on. Like many other things, I’m willing to let this slide until I see how it plays out in the movie. Also, I have to add: really ballsy move on Zack Snyder’s part to include Rorschach’s voice in the trailer. This is potentially something that will really polarize the fanboys, so getting it right out there from the beginning is a bold move.

---

1:44 Speaking of Rorschach… the way his mask changes? Again, now how I had imagined it, but damn cool.

---

1:46 Holy shit… the glass fortress on Mars? Are you kidding me? Is there anything you’re going to leave out of the movie?

So yeah… I’m pretty psyched about this flick. I only hope the actual movie lives up to the images we’ve seen so far. Don’t fuck me on this, Snyder!

###

#219 In which our hero discusses Heroes, heroes and Hiro's.

ince I owe the world a post and I owe the lovely Miss Kate an email reply, why not kill two birds with one stone?

Miss Kate is a Heroes nerd just like me, and she emailed me yesterday with comments about the premier. Her thoughts are presented in orange, which my disjointed ramblings follow.

BTW, this reminds me a great deal of how a friend and I used to discuss the X-Files after every episode. One of us would call and the other would answer, saying simply “discuss.” Glad to see that six years later my complete nerdity hasn’t wore off one bit.

So, didja watch it last night?? I did. If you didn't, read no further.

See? This is why I like Miss Kate. So considerate.

I'm a little miffed about the very obvious Nissan Rogue product placement - but I guess that's the price you pay when they sponsor your "less commercials than usual" premier.

Being in the advertising industry, I’m torn. I mean, I wasn’t surprised at all that a Nissan was featured prominently because you’re right… Nissan was paying top dollar for that sponsorship, and they had every right to get something in return.

That said, it was a little heavy-handed when HRG gave Claire the keys to the car and she said, “The Rouge?!” It feels obnoxious to me mostly because the scene didn’t work. Mostly because nobody knows what the Rouge is. It’s a new model, and doesn’t have much in the way of buzz yet. If it had been a known quantity like, say, a Mustang or a Mini Cooper, then it would have made sense. Instead, we’re left to wonder why this girl is so excited about a new mid-level car that no-one has ever heard of and that’s not especially sexy to look at.

But, this is product placement at it’s greatest. And before anyone bashes Nissan too much, you should really spot and take a look at your favorite show next time. It’s no coincidence that every can of soda has it’s label perfectly oriented so you can see the brand name.

In the product placement biz, there’s three levels:

• Product appears in the background at some point in the show.
• A character interacts with the product; picking it up, moving it, etc.
• A character interacts with the product and mentions the brand by name.

Clearly, the premier hit big on all three. But honestly, I’m willing to deal with a little intrusive product placement for limited commercial interruption. We probably got 10 minutes more show because of Nissan’s sponsorship. And the Nissan was only really featured at that one point… be glad that the plot didn’t hinge on that car or something equally annoying.

Actually, what I found even more obnoxious was that when the show did go to commercial, Nissan only had ONE Rouge spot (with some subtle versioning) to show.

The new kid that's kind of stalking Claire from school is creeping me out. I don't like that he followed her home.

Agreed. And he has his own powers, huh? And it’s flight, too… just like Claire’s birth-father (Nathan). Hmm… maybe Nathan was fooling around with women other than just Claire’s birth-mother?

I like that her dad put his new manager in his place. I hope he broke his finger.

I guess. But how realistic is that, really? He wouldn’t just get fired? Come on… this feels like a lazy way for him to have a job as a cover story (but it’s still dealing with paper products, which I think is a nice touch).

I'm still wondering what Mama Petrelli and Hiro's Dad's powers are/were.

Me too. I’m still assuming that they do have powers… but they’ve only been shown as puppet masters/power brokers up until this point. Do they really have powers? And in the case of Hiro’s father we can assume his power isn’t/wasn’t flight.

I have no clue who killed Hiro's dad. Could have been Sylar (maybe). Could have been Nathan (maybe). Could be someone we've not met yet.

Sylar doesn’t really make sense, because his thing isn’t murder, per se, but rather the “collecting” of powers. Whatever he does (actually eat the brains or just fool around with them) seems to take a little time; so this doesn’t seem like his MO at all. Nathan? Could be, but I doubt it. I’m going with someone we haven’t seen yet.

I'm totally curious about who is stalking Molly in her nightmares.

Yeah, the new Big Bad! I’m guessing we won’t see him/her/it for a while. At least not until Sylar leaves the show to go film Star Trek XI.

I'm curious to know how Peter got cuffed inside a storage container, wearing that half-DNA symbol pendant, with apparent amnesia.

Amnesia! The ultimate panacea for what ails ya (or the plot) in the comic book world! I’m not bashing the writers, I think, again, it fits in well with the comic book feel of the series. And I am also, of course, curious as hell as to what happened.

And I have to say that I’m surprised that they didn’t try to string out the mystery of the Petrelli brothers (are they alive? Are they dead?) for a longer time. But it’s cool… I find it really interesting that even though everyone came together at the end of season one, that now everyone is spread out again. They know of each other, and a few of them are actually working together (notably Mohinder and HRG) but they didn’t come together like the new Justice League or something. I mean, Niki, D.L. and Micah didn’t even appear in the episode! That’s pretty impressive, I think.

I really want to know how that symbol plays into everything - starting as the symbol for that Kensei guy, being tattooed on Nikki's shoulder, being the pendant around Peter's neck, and also the "sign" that "you're going to die" by the hand of a member of your little mutant clique.

Yeah, I really hope the writers can pay that off. I hope it doesn’t become their version of “The Trust is Out There” with the X-Files; where we finally learned the truth at the end, and it was that aliens really are real and the government is working with them to… do what again? Something with bees? Shit, ya lost me.

Anyway, it’s really intriguing.

And, last I checked, wasn't Mohinder *already* working for The Company when he was curing Molly last season???? What's with this guy following him around Egypt to ask him to join them... again.

I’m not real clear on this bit either. Are we talking about the same Company? Maybe these are different guys? I dunno.

Finally, I have to say that I think the writer’s are taking a bit of a chance. There’s probably a lot of people who never watched season one, but heard good things about the show, who are willing to give it a go now. But that premier wasn’t that easy of an entryway to the show… if you don’t already know what happened in season one, you would probably become lost really quickly. I mean, it’s good for us… we don’t have to slog through a bunch of backstory we already know; but I just hope it’s not bad for the show (because they still need to keep ratings up).

But all in all, I fun start to the season.

PS: My big hunch for this season? Kensei, the legendary hero that Hiro worships? Hiro is going to do all those heroic deeds of legend, effectively becoming Kensei himself. Meaning that in the future he never stole Kensei’s sword… it was his own sword all along.

###

CAPE SHAPE part the last

I know, I know, I’ve really be remiss on my Who Wants to be a Super Hero? updates. But, in truth, I really lost interest by the end. I missed one episode because I was out of town, then only caught the tale end of the following week… and by that time, I found myself no longer really giving a crap.

Honestly, I think my joy for the program left me when Mindset was booted. Mindset! He had the geek cred, took the comic book superhero behavior totally to heart… then was kicked off the show for no good reason. Feh! Feh on you, Stan Lee!

But, I dunno. Maybe the thrill of seeing real people dressed up as superheroes has faded; maybe I got my fill last season. Or, maybe it just doesn’t have the same excitement level when you can turn on another show, namely Heroes on NBC, and see people acting like superheroes who can actually, you know, act. And the story line is a tad more engaging than who stole Stan Lee’s pencil.

But anyway, to wrap this up in the most half-ass way possible:

• The final three where The Defuser, Hyper-Strike and Hygena. This trio is incredibly similar to the final three from last year (i.e., Major Victory, Feedback and Fat Momma).
• There were some final challenges, I guess, and… well, honestly, I turned on the finale and was only about 10 minutes into it when The Scientist came into the room naked and, well, you can guess the rest.
• I did manage to catch the last 15 minutes or so, just as Stan was interviewing the final three one-on-one. And here’s why I can never be on that show: I don’t have a good sob-story revolving around comics. The Defuser spilled his guts and revealed how his sister got into drugs as a young woman, and how he wanted to “pull a superhero off the pages of my comics to help her!” Hygena declared that the show had given her the strength to try to get pregnant again after a horrible late-term miscarriage. I missed Hyper Strike’s interview, but I’m sure it involved a horrible traffic accident in which his parents were killed and he had to wrap their bloody bodies in the pages of Action Comics #52 or some such shit.
• In the end, it was The Defuser. And the twelve people still watching simultaneously said, oh yeah, the cop. Sure, that makes sense. Once this guy said, “I’ve dedicated my life to fighting crime as a police officer” I don’t think even Stan The Man could come up with a reason not to have him win it all. He’s a real hero, putting his life on the line--in a very real sense--to help the public. Even crazy ole’ Stan couldn’t ignore that.

So, it’s done. I’m sure casting for season three will be happening soon (if it’s not already happening). But I don’t think I’ll be auditioning.

Then again, I do have this cool idea about an intergalactic police force…

###

CAPE SHAPE part V

Oh, SciFi Channel, you never fail to provide entertainment that is so horrifying bad, that’s it’s good! Wait, no, it’s not. It’s just bad.

Take episode five of Who Wants to be a Superhero? Just when you think it can’t get any more cheeseball… it does.

So the superheroes return from the rooftop elimination challenge “stunned” that two of them were kicked off. But I have to say… really? Stunned? Isn’t one of them maybe, just maybe, thinking “Fantastic! That puts me one closer to the big prize”?

When they get back to the lair, they discover it’s been ransacked by Dr. Dark! And by “ransacked” I mean stuff’s been tossed around! A little bit! And, um, someone pulled the sheets off of one of the beds. And carefully tipped over a coffee mug. The heroes, of course, are shaken to their very core. Or so they say. However, I gotta think that at this point it’s becoming hard to really muster up a shit. They’ve been running around for a week in tights, and something must be chaffing. Does anyone really care that a poor AD had to come in and toss around some papers? Well, apparently Whip-Snap does, because the competition has become “too much” for her to handle.

At this point, I have to mention that I have no tolerance whatsoever for people on reality shows who start whining about how hard everything is. It’s a competition, you knew going in that you’d have to perform dumbass stunts and see your fellow housemates kicked out, one by one. Contestants who can’t differentiate between making friends and attempting to win a prize have no business being there. Suck it up. Stay in touch after the show is over, if you’d like, but keep your eye on the prize while you’re there.

But Whip-Snap starts to cry, again, saying how she doesn’t have any family, and this is her family and it’s so hard to see them go, blah, blah, blah. I’ve heard all about her problems by now. Matter of fact, Whip-Snap has received a lot to TV time. Certainly more than Basura or Hyper-Strike. It’s almost like the producers are letting us, the audience, get to know her better for some reason. Like, maybe, so that when she wins it won’t be a surprise? That she’ll seem like the natural choice? I give Whip-Snap a 60% chance of winning.

Back to the challenges.

The team has to go to a park and intercept a currier who is trying to pass off their secrets. But they have to be in disguise to do it. Because that’s what superheroes in the comics do: when a bad guy has sensitive information, they dick around and try to trick the bad guy into giving up the goods. Because using their super powers to get the job done would just be dumb.

But! The very best park is that their mission comes not from Stan Lee, but for “Erin Esurance” who is, I’m sure you know, the animated cartoon spy girl from the E-surance commercials. The heroes all pay close attention while she’s talking, but you know they’re thinking: good lord, SciFi, isn’t this taking product placement a little too far?

(Side note: when I did a Google:images search for the Erin Esurance image I linked to above, I got a distrubing number of returns with her naked. Just sayin'.)

And, of course, during the challenge there’s a secret challenge within the challenge. And Boob-sura misses the boat completely when a stranger asks, “Can you help me find my daughter?” and she doesn’t immediately drop everything to help. Thing is, on this show, if a stranger ever asks you for a favor, you need to be, “Can I help you? You’re goddamn right I can help you! What do you need? Money? A lift to the liquor store? Handjob? Name it and it is yours, citizen!”

As soon as she waffled, the producers probably all high-fived each other.

So Parthenon wins the challenge, and gets a phone call home as a reward. And he’s also allowed someone else to call home, too. Now, I know it can’t be easy to come up with totally new and original challenges/rewards… but does this show need to start cribbing from Survivor so soon? I mean, every season of Survivor has the phone home/visit from your loved one/video message/etc. reward. And by making one of the contestant pick someone else--but only one--it’s clearly designed to stir up some tension between players. Same thing with these dumbass “mission reports.” Blah.

And speaking of Parthenon… he’s a little gay, isn’t he? I mean, I’m not a homophobe, but… wow.

So we finally get to the elimination and to no-one’s surprise Boob-sura is booted. She turns in her costume and reverts to street clothes and, WTF? So, she’s a clown in real life? Is that what she was supposed to be? Huh?

Down to five. Half way there.

Oh! And did everyone catch the trailer for Feedback’s SciFi TV movie? MEGASNAKE! From the commercial it looks like it will live up to the high standards set by other SciFi TV movies, like Mansquito or S.S. Doomtrooper.

Next week! Dr. Dark has isolated Stan Lee’s DNA! Oh please, please, please let there be clone Stan Lee! And if it’s EVIL clone Stan Lee, all past sins will be forgiven!

###

CAPE SHAPE part IV

Missed last week’s episode. It’s tough to tell what really happened from SciFi.com’s brief synopsis of the episode, but it sounds like more of the same old-same old. It’s becoming clear that the producers can find something to criticize any superhero for at any time, so actual performance seems to fall second to whatever scripted results they have in mind. However, I will give them credit for booting Mr. Mitzvah so early. This guy tended to rub the others wrong, so keeping him around would have been a nice source of tension. And they booted Ms. Limelight, too! This really surprises me, since she’s so young and there’s so much opportunity to what her grow and become a stronger person and a real superhero and blah-da-blah-da-blah. Out of all the cast members she bugged me the most, so no tears shed on her leaving.

Next week! The superheroes are shocked to find that the safe holding their secret identities has been compromised! Holy shit! I guess Dr. Dark figured out how to use IMDb!

###

CAPE SHAPE part III

Mindset?! Ah, bullshit! As much as I love the camp of Who Wants to be a Superhero? the rampant hypocrisy and obvious scripting of this “reality” show drives me nuts.

I missed the very beginning of last night’s episode (damn kids! Can’t you just go to bed without all the brushing of teeth and reading of stories and tucking in? Don’t you see that daddy has TV to watch?!) so I missed the exchange between Miss Limelight and Mindset. Apparently, it went something like this:

MISS LIMELIGHT: People think I’m stupid!
MINDSET: I don’t think you’re stupid. I think you’re just playing a role.
ML: I’m not playing a role! This is how I really am!
MS: Oh, so you really are stupid. I get it.

Or something. But before this carefully edited drama can play out any more, the heroes are summoned to stop the newest super-villain in town, Bee Sting! The nefarious force of evil captures our heroes and forces them to… SPELL!

The horror!

I know these are just regular people and you can’t very well make them physically duke it out with super villains (actors) but come on… a spelling bee? Really? I guess you can’t make every challenge physical like the first one, but never in middle school would I have guessed that my destiny as a superhero would depend on “i before e expect after c.”

Full disclosure: even though I’m a writer by trade, I’m a terrible speller. If I was on that show when they revealed the challenge, I’d be all “Well shit. I’m done. Can I just turn in my tights now?”

However, as it turns out, most of them were terrible spellers. Even when they figured out the twist (“She’s BEE Sting, so everything has to be spelled with B-E-E!”) they couldn’t spell worth crap.

But I do have to say that releasing real bees in with them was pretty hard core. I don’t really think there were as many bees as they made them out to be (I suspect some sharp editing there) but it looked like people really got stung. I imagine the form you had to sign to get on the show read: Are you allergic to bee stings? Serious, we need to know, no fucking around: [ ] YES [ ] NO.

And here’s the first place I call bullshit on Stan. Mindset refuses to play along with Bee Sting’s weird spelling game. I was all, “Right on, Mindset! Stay true to your character! Live it, baby!” Yeah, his team lost points because of it, but fighting against the will of the bad guys is what being a hero is all about, right?

Apparently not.

Stan reamed him for letting his ego get in the way of helping his team. Said he was “a smart man, but not wise.” Stan seemed to be saying that sometimes you have to do the bidding of the bad guys in order to achieve “the greater good.” Really Stan? This from the “great power comes great responsibility” guy? I thought Mindset very elegantly stated his case, saying that to purposefully misspell a word would be tantamount to lying, and he respected the truth too much to do that. And that any of his team mates would risk minor injury in order to preserve the truth. To which I said, Fucking-A, Mindset! He was really playing the part of a comic book superhero; much more than any of the others.

But in the end, it wasn’t good enough. Clearly Mindset’s number was up, and no amount of well thought out rhetoric was going to save him. Pity too. As far as how to act like a hero in the made-up reality of funny books, this Mindset guy got it.

And this is what drives me crazy about the show. As Stan berated him his “pride” I could just as easily imagine Stan saying something like “A hero is always loyal to the truth! Even at cost to his own personal safety. That is what being a superhero is really about!” So Mindset, the ONE guy out of the entire cast to stand up to the villain gets the boot, and Mr. Mitzvah, who cowered under a blindfold whimpering “oy, meshuggna bees!” gets to stay. That’s great.

And the other great hypocrisy moment of the show: the heroes get their new costumes and Hyper-Strike doesn’t like his. He’s respectful about it, telling Stan that he just wasn’t digging the tights, and missed his old costume. Now, you’ll remember the hullabaloo from last season when Stan gave Ty’Veculus a ridonkulous costume, just to test to see if he’d object or not. He played along just to make Stan happy, only to be lambasted later for lying about liking his new outfit. He was ultimately told to put his old costume back on.

But this time, the heroes were all given decent costumes, and Stan seemed a little offended that one of them would dare to not like what he created. “I designed that costume myself, y’know” he chided Hyper-Strike. Instead of complimenting him on his honesty and letting him go back to his old costume, Stan motored ahead, saying “give it a couple days. See if you like it then.” And Hyper-Strike wisely got the hint, later in the show saying “Y’know what? Stan was right. I do like this new costume.” Silently adding, “There, I said it. Can I stay now?”

So my favorite is out. And, Whip-Snap’s story arc continues to build. The “overcoming adversity” element and “earning the admiration of her fellow team mates” story elements have been covered; I expect next week she will do something that “demonstrates her inner strength” or her “hidden bravery” or some-such.

I put Whip-Snap’s odds of winning it even-up now.

Oh, and if you’re not watching “The Aftershow” at SciFi.com, you’re missing some good stuff. Feedback, continuing his supergeek journey which will ultimately end in clinical depression and alcoholism, interviews those kicked off the show--in full costume, of course (him, not them). But Mindset is incredible in the interview, and just reinforced that this guy really committed to the idea of being a comic book superhero, and still is. His unspoken, "Stan, WTF?” is clear throughout. My favorite part, speaking of the spelling bee: “It was a boring challenge. Then they dumped honey on us. It was a little too Nickelodeon, if you ask me.”

For the future!

###

CAPE SHAPE part II

So yeah, I watched the premier of Who Wants to be a Superhero? And my first reaction was, “eh.”

I don’t know if the excitement of seeing real people in silly superhero costumes has already waned since season one, but I wasn’t that impressed. I mean, even the best of reality TV is pretty formulaic, and this was no exception: all the heroes meet for the first time, Stan Lee appears on the big screen TV, they have to immediately jump into a mission, once resolved they hang out at the lair, they get another mission, then that night someone is arbitrarily cast out. End of show.

Things that stick out in my memory:

Feedback. Oh, poor sweet Feedback. The uber-geek winner from season one. This guy was promised fame, fortune and his own SciFi Network-produced TV movie… and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t received any of those yet. Well, maybe a little fame, in the insular geek universe, at least. I know he was at Mid-Ohio Con (Columbus, OH comic book convention) and I bet he was in San Diego for Comic-Con this past week. As far as comic book geeks go, he’s a lot more famous than me, I guess.

And he seems more than happy to don his costume again and gather up the contestants for the show; sneaking into their homes and workplaces to announce, “Stan wants you!”

The first challenge. I thought this challenge was actually pretty… challenging. Rather physical right out of the box. I thought they played up the “you’ve got to use teamwork!” angle a bit much… all you really needed was one big guy to handle the heavy lifting.

And it’s with challenges like this that I have a problem with the show. They are all supposed to be superheroes, with super powers, right? At least two of these heroes list flight as a power, and Mindset claims to have telekinesis… so why not use your powers? I know, I know, it’s not real, and I’m willing to suspend my disbelieve to a certain degree… but the premises of the show is that this is real, that Stan is shaping real superheroes. Why not create some excuse for them to not use their powers? All Stan has to say is something like, “Heroes, in this challenge I want to see how you would handle it if a supervillian managed to steal your powers!” or “There will be many civilians nearby in this challenge, so please don’t use your powers!”

Defuser. This guy quickly established himself as a leader, if not THE Leader (well, not The Leader, of course. BTW--best villain ever, and rumored to be in the new Hulk movie). Anyway, this guy’s a cop in real life, so no surprise that he’s large and in charge. I’m torn if this is a good thing or not… every team needs a leader, but Stan seems to favor the geeky underdog (witness Feedback). Stan may be looking for any excuse to eliminate the guy. Such as…

The second challenge. Hey, looks like the contestants were paying attention to season one! I’m glad to see none of them were lured into revealing their secret identities, and obvious superhero faux-pas that many of the heroes fell into last season. But then, most of them dropped the ball once they left the warehouse, especially Defuser, who was so focused on getting tires back on the trucks that he missed the real challenges.

Now, it can’t be easy to be on this show. I mean, set aside the fact that you’re wearing a ridiculous costume, but you’re under scrutiny at every moment and you’re just waiting for the next test. So when you come out of the warehouse to find your cars wheel-less, I’m sure it’s easy to think, “Holy shit, we need to get those tires back on the trucks, and like now!” Because it’s not a far stretch to imagine Stan berating them if they didn’t do it toot-sweet: “Heroes, what if there was another emergency?! A true superhero must be ready to react at a moment’s notice!” So they jump into action and most of them don’t notice the little old lady and guy carrying boxes and the dog--even thought the “lost dog” seemed like a real stretch. (Which, by the way, the SciFi website describes as an “obviously lost and frightened dog” to which I say buuuuull-shit! That dog laid on the sideway and calmly looked around. If it was howling or crying, it would have been one thing. But anyway.

So yeah, it’s got to be a tough call between jumping in and solving the obvious challenge and stopping to look around to see if there’s a more subtle challenge involved. Which, frankly, there always is. If these guys are smart they’ll figure that out and start to assign a person or two as lookouts for every challenge.

Mr. Mitzvah. Holy shit! Did I say in my last post that he was too ethnic? I had no idea. I mean, there’s no way that the guy really talks like that. He’s doing a dead-on impersonation of Jackie Mason! Oy vey! I’m kibitzing with the meshuggner when the shiksa drops the latke and she gets verklempt and oy gevalt the crying!

Ms. Limelight. Is she really only 18? Jesus, she’s certainly annoying enough for it. She was on the chopping block last time, here’s hoping she gets canned next go-round. I don’t think I can take much more of that voice.

Next week! New costumes! Mazal tov!

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CAPE SHAPE, part I.

Mark your calendars for July 26, 2007. That’s when Who Wants to be a Superhero, season 2 premiers.

I am, of course, psyched!

Last season never let me down with the unfailing onslaught of cheesy nonsense, created and ring-led by Stan "The Man" Lee. I expect season 2 to do the same, and then some. Oh, Stan Lee, you bat-shit crazy old man, how I love you!

I seriously considered trying out for season two, but I never really got past the origin story stage. And it really seems like you have to go to a cattle-call to grab the producer’s attention. So who knows… maybe next time.

Let’s take a look at this season’s heroes!

NAME: The Defuser
SUPER POWERS: Gadgeteer; enhanced physical abilities, night vision.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 4 (He looks like a cop, and who’s going to argue with that?)
COMMENTS: Nice package of powers that make sense together. Refuses to use firearms and fights drug dealers… Stan’s gotta love that!
CHANCE OF WINNING: 25% (he looks serious… a little too series. Unless he turns out to be a huge geek, Stan is going to pass him over for a more established resident of geektown.)



NAME: Ms. Limelight
SUPER POWERS: Can emulate powers of action movie stars.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 2 (fringe? No thank you)
COMMENTS: “Vulnerability: She has very sensitive legs: if someone tells her to ‘break a leg,’ it really breaks!” WTF? I’d call her origin story really stupid, but it’s very similar to Feedback’s from last season, and we know how it turned out for him!
CHANCE OF WINNING: 5% (Her power sounds dumb and, again, fringe?)



NAME: Hyper-Strike
SUPER POWERS: Martial artist; “can turn his own sweat into a weapon” (WTF?); can manipulate his own chi and that of others.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 3 (nicely put together; but with those tights, I’m a little afraid that I’m going to see more than I want.
COMMENTS: Love his nemesis (Komodo, a lizardman bent on becoming the world’s greatest fighter), but his vulnerability is profuse sweating? Yuck.
CHANCE OF WINNING: 35% (tough call on this guy… he’ll either go pretty far, or get on everyone’s nerves and burn out in the first couple episodes.)


NAME: Whip-Snap
SUPER POWERS: Master of the whip, can turn her foes to dust.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 4 (I dig the cowboy influence and, again, nice bod doesn’t hurt)
COMMENTS: I’ll give this lady huge points is she can really do tricks with her whip. Her vulnerability is asthma? Come on…
CHANCE OF WINNING: 10% (A little too series, and Stan has long held a dislike for heroes who use weapons.)




NAME: Mindset
SUPER POWERS: Telekinesis; danger sense.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 3 (4 if that light on his chest actually works)
COMMENTS: “Nemesis: Sigmus, a Galactic Starlord from Mindset’s future.” Awesome! “Catch phrase: For the future!” Double awesome!!
CHANCE OF WINNING: 75% (he has the geek-cred in spades and really went for it, costume-wise. I think this guy is smart money.)




NAME: Basura
SUPER POWERS: Communicates with insects and small animals, can tell how any object was created; turns trash into robots.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (0-5): 4 (lots of skin, and the body to pull it off)
COMMENTS: Flakey artist-type, Odd hodge-podge of powers. On the plus side: nice bode and not afraid to show it off!
CHANCE OF WINNING: Zero (I’ll bet you dollars to donuts that she’s going to be so consumed with telling the other heroes about how you can turn trash into treasure, “Like I do with my art work” that she’ll break character and be out in the first four shows.)


NAME: Mr. Mitzvah
SUPER POWERS: Flight, night vision, super-strength, enhanced senses AND a magic Star of David ping-pong paddle!
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 4 (it’s working for me, and the white hair pulls it all together)
COMMENTS: Unlikely that someone so ethnic will win, but Stan is a Jew himself, so who knows?
CHANCE OF WINNING: Zero (The ethnic thing. Do you know what religion Superman is? How about Captain America? No? Exactly.)



NAME: Braid
SUPER POWERS: Shape shifter (so far so good); braids act as tentacles to snare foes (okaaay); rainbow eyelids take digital photos (huh?); superior sense of small (um, sure); transforms into Braid with Prism Stone (what now?).
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 2 (I get the concept, but still think it looks dumb)
COMMENTS: Her power is lost if you cut her braids… that’s a cool Stan Lee-esque vulnerability.
CHANCE OF WINNING: Zero (She’s probably get further than she should, but there’s no getting around the fact that she has Rainbow Brite hair).


NAME: Parthenon
SUPER POWERS: Gains super strength, limited invulnerability, flight and more from his “Armaguard,” an ancient Atlantian gauntlet.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 2 (dude, lift some weights)
COMMENTS: Love the origin story and nemesis. And the catch phrase, “Rock on!” Because he uses magical rocks for power, get it? Stan will.
CHANCE OF WINNING: 40% (My dark horse to win. He looks like a geek, and I bet he talks and acts like a geek, too.)




NAME: Hygena
SUPER POWERS: Uses weapons created from cleaning tools.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 1 (as if I needed another reason not to like this hero, her costume is stupid)
COMMENTS: Ugh, a gimmicky hero, ala “Cell Phone Girl” from last season.
CHANCE OF WINNING: Zero. (Stan likes cheesy, but this is too stupid even for him. That said… Fat Momma got into the finals last time, so we’ll see.)



General comments: I’ve based my who will win opinions strictly on costume and publicity shots; we’ll see how much that changes after the first episode.

Also, again based on appearances, these contestants have learned something from season one. Namely, if you are a woman and you have a decent body, show it off. And, street hockey gear makes good armor.

Here’s hoping they took note of the fact that they need to be superheroes ALL THE TIME. Stan Lee is watching your every movement, and it’s not going to fly if you break character, even for a moment.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this season won’t be as obviously orchestrated as last season. And, of course, I pray that it will be just as chock-full of dumbass stunts as season one. Excelsior!

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#208 In which our hero discusses Heroes.

If you don’t watch Heroes, then this entire post will be meaningless to you. Come back later, after the geek smell has dissipated.

Still here? Good. So, yeah, season finale of Heroes last night. It’s odd, I find myself enthusiased and a little let down at the same time. It was good, but I guess I expected more… a real barn-burner, knock-down drag-out confrontation between Peter and Sylar, for starters. But it was a much quieter episode than that; but I still found it satisfying. If that had been the series finale, then no, not so much; but knowing that there’s more adventures to come makes it okay with me. I think it was really smart of the producers to jump right in to the second chapter with Hiro appearing in medieval Japan. Anyone who might have been tempted to say, huh? That’s it? Instead said, oh my, Hiro is in quite a pickle now!

I received an email from friend and fellow blogger Li’l Kate this morning, ranting about the show in eight well-crafted points.

Now, Kate isn’t a comic book geek like me, so I suspect that some of the finer points of comic geekdom are lost on her (and Kate, let me tell you, that’s a good thing). But to really understand Heroes, in my humble opinion, it’s critical to remember that it’s a comic book show. Meaning that even though it’s set in modern day and there’s a pretty faithful adherence to the rules of physics and what-not… the universe of this show is ruled by comic book conventions. Meaning that people often do and say things simply to serve the plot. More on that in a minute.

So, being that I haven’t posted in a bit, I thought I’d share Kate’s questions/observations and my responses here, for the entire world to enjoy. You’re welcome.

1) Sylar totally just *let* Hiro stab him - and it was a pretty good stab, too. I'm not sure how he's going to survive it.

This is my biggest beef about shows/movies like this: characters sometimes forget that they can do things. This is a HUGE comic book convention, and it drives me nuts. The Hiro/Sylar showdown is a perfect example. Sylar can react fast enough to stop BULLETS in mid-air, but he couldn’t sidestep Hiro’s huge thrusting charge? The fact is that the show had set up Sylar to be so powerful that couldn’t be stopped by one man. Until he was stopped by one man. It made for a great dramatic moment (“Yeah! Hiro killed Sylar! He fulfilled his destiny! Ando will be so proud!”) but kinda didn’t make sense.

I thought the show had the right idea when Nikki clubbed him (with a parking meter? Awesome!) but that lasted all of thirty seconds.

So how did Hiro manage to stab Sylar? I think the real answer is “because that’s what the plot said,” but, if we break it down, geek-style, I think there could be other reasons that actually make sense.

• Hiro manipulated time. We know Hiro can completely stop time, but maybe he can do it locally, too. As in he froze Sylar in time just for the split second he needed to run him through. Hiro probably wasn’t even aware that he was doing it.
• Peter affected Sylar. We’ve seen that Peter can move things with his mind, maybe he froze Sylar for a second, or psychicly distracted him for a moment.
• Sylar let Hiro stab him. Sylar says to Peter “You’re the villain. Turns out I’m the hero.” Maybe in Sylar’s twisted mind he was becoming a martyr, transcending the hero role and becoming something greater (which is what he’s wanted from the very beginning). Personally, I think this is the most likely.

2) NOBODY noticed the trail of blood to the *open* sewer lid????? C'mon. Someone as creepy as him - you don't take your eyes off of him even if you think he's dead.

Oh yeah, I agree. Have these guys never seen a horror movie in their lives? When the bad guy looks dead, he's never really dead! But couldn’t you just see that scene as the final page of a comic? With a caption reading “The End?” That’s a total comic book ending and I loved it, even as I was saying “Open your fucking eyes, you retards!”

I’m actually a little disappointed that Sylar wasn’t killed outright (wasn’t Hiro’s father showing him decapitation moves? THAT I would have liked to see). I don’t want the show to turn into The Hunt for Red Sylar. “Molly says he’s in Kansas City! Avengers Assemble!”

3) So.... Peter can survive his own explosion, but his brother can't... do did Nathan just fly him up in the atmosphere, let go and fly away? Or did Nathan bite it? And will Peter remember how to fly back to Earth?

I guarantee you Nathan is dead. He was willing to turn his back and let millions of innocents die, including his own brother. In the comic book world you can only make up for such a sin with a huge personal sacrifice… and in Nathan’s case, it was the ultimate sacrifice.

I actually think Peter is dead and gone, too. I hope he is. His death lends some gravity to the actions of the other heroes. They can die… even the most powerful among them isn’t safe.

Of course, Hiro can bend space and time at will. There’s no reason that he couldn’t pop in at 12,000 feet at the last minute and zap Nathan to safety. Or prevent Peter from ever meeting Ted and absorbing his power in the first place.

That’s the big problem with Hiro's power… if had can literally go to any time or space, why doesn’t he? I give the producers a lot of credit here, they developed Hiro’s character in such a way that he doesn’t go back and fiddle with time simply because he thinks it’s not the right thing to do. And it makes sense, coming from Hiro.

4) I want to know what Mama Petrelli's power is and how many other people (Linderman, Hiro's dad, her, Charles) are in on this little plan, and who agrees with it and who doesn't. Now that the bomb didn't go off, will Mama Petrelli attempt another explosion/disaster with whoever still agrees with her and Linderman? Or were her and Linderman the only ones with that particular vision?

I suspect that the death of Nathan has effectively put to bed their plan of uniting the world under one strong crisis-time leader. But I’m sure they have other plans in the works, and we’ll see them again. With the death of the Petrelli boys, there’s no-one left to defend Mama Petrelli, so she’s free to really become a villain in the future. Only Claire is family, and she’s not likely to start vouching for grandma any time soon.

5) I TOTALLY called that it wasn't Jessica or that Mica was dead and that it was that Candace or whatever her name is. Nailed it. Not saying the show is predictable, but, you know, a moment of pride. ;)

You go, Kate. Own your inner geek. I also saw that coming, but enjoyed how it was played--Nikki and Jessica finally integrating personalities. The only other moment I saw coming was when Horn Rim Glasses told Peter his real first name. Not that it’s a major plot point or anything, but it’s something that the writers have teased us viewers with off and on. It was a nice moment. Also, Noah? That could be a little significant, huh?

6) Who is this new character going to be that Molly is so afraid of - the one who sees her seeing him? Is he going to be another villain? or does he just not like to be spied on? I know I'd be kind of pissed.

Yeah, the big bad for season 2! I suspect we’ll be teased with this Sauron-esque character for a while before he/she/it is actually revealed.

7) If Niki had stayed in the fight with Peter and Sylar, she could have kicked some serious ass. Sylar would NOT have crawled away.

Agreed. I guess integrating the two personalities greatly reduced Jessica’s killer instinct. What, exactly, was she going to do to help D.L.? Looks like all she did was kneel by his side and whisper encouragements. Couldn’t she have taken five minutes to beat Sylar into a bloody pulp with a parking meter first?

8) We never figured out what triggered the "nuclear" response in Peter - what brought it on. Seemed to randomly come out of nowhere every time.

Right. Stress? Fear? I think the true trigger was “the writers think this would be a dramatic moment!” He seemed to be able to control any other power he absorbed just fine… expect for this one. But again, I’m not bad-mouthing the show, because it’s sticking to comic book conventions. Sometimes things happen when they happen. And speaking of comic book conventions… um, Peter? You can fly, remember? If you don’t want to level the city, just fly away. Of course, maybe he can only use one power at a time, and couldn’t fly while glowing. Or something like that.

But overall, I still love the show. I’m very curious to see where they’re going to take it next season. Speaking of which, when I Wiki’d Heroes for some background for this post (oh yes, all my posts are highly researched beforehand) I came across this:

Heroes: Origins, a spin-off from Heroes. So next year there will be even more geeky TV to enjoy.

I’m so excited I could explode!

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