#260 In which our hero finds his inkblot-related enthusiasm dimming

The new Watchmen trailer is out. 

You may recall that I was nearly beside myself with excitement after viewing the first one. This new one? Not so much. 

There will probably be spoilers after the video if you've not read the book or heard anything about the movie. So, y'know, heads up.

Maybe I find myself disappointed because I loved the first trailer oh-so much. And actually, there's little new content here. But what is new really brings to light some of the rumors I've heard about the movie... changes that I'm not really hip on.

0:10 Starting here we get a couple seconds of material that's only hinted at in the book. While inventing new material might seem like high treason to hard-core fans, I think this is actually well done. 

---

0:16 "Just a matter of time, I suppose." Cool line!

---

0:30 I'm not really digging the music, either. That might have something to do with my dislike of the trailer.

---

0:33 I saw some online criticism of Rorschach calling the group "Watchmen" when the real name (in the book) was "The Crime-Busters." To which I say, "Dude, seriously? You're upset about that?" 

---

1:00 And at one minute in comes my two biggest beefs:

---

1:01 This appears to be a nuclear explosion in New York. I've read that the ending has been changed considerably... and, y'know, as much as I don't like it, I understand it. I mean, if you walk into that theater and sit there for two hours and fifteen minutes only to see a giant space squid teleport into NY, you're going to be like, "What the fuck?!" From what I've read the space creature has been replaced with a more conventional explosion. 

Which causes ALL sorts of problems. 

In the book the only reason that Ozymandias' scheme worked is because the threat was so large, so un-understandable that the world had no choice but to lay down their arms and rally together to face it. But if it's just a bomb... how's that going to unite the world? 

Now, I'm still holding out hope because the explosion in the trailer doesn't look like your typical mushroom cloud. I'm hoping it's a crazy extra-dimensional rift or some BS like that so the flavor of the ending is still there, sans giant space squid. 

But... how's that going to work with the rest of the movie? Remember that The Comedian saw the secret island where this thing was being created, which set into motion everything that follows: his visit to Moloch (a character we saw in the first trailer), his death (which we just saw 30 seconds ago), the investigation by Rorschach... basically, everything in the movie hinges on this discovery. So, if it's just a bomb... why would The Comedian react the way he does? How could he grasp the enormity of Ozymandias' plan? 

I'm not opposed to this change, again, I understand why, but I just wonder how they're going to maintain the carefully crafted structure of the narrative without the squid. Anyway, back to the trailer:

---

1:03 Oddly enough, I'm more bothered by this part than the change in the ending. If you listen to Rorschach here, he sounds way out of character to me. "... so we can't do anything to stop it." We? He's not exactly a team player by this point in the story. And worse yet:

---

1:10 "An attack on one, is an attack on all of us." What? Now, Rorschach cares about people (especially Nite Owl) in his own fucked-up way, but for him to articulate this solidarity like this just doesn't seem right to me at all. And finally, worst of all:

---

1:18 "Retribution." No way. Rorschach is logical and coldly calculating... he's not out looking for retribution or revenge for the death of his former teammates. This characterization is completely wrong, in my opinion. 

Now, I'm hoping that this is just marketing. That the editors have stitched together bits and pieces of dialog to sell the story to those who aren't familiar with the source material (because, admit it, if you've read the book you ARE going to see the movie. I don't care how shitty the trailers get or the reviews are, I'm going to be right there in line opening night--so they don't need to market to me). If you're trying to explain these characters in two minutes, it's easy to paint Rorschach as the psychopath looking for revenge. That's easy to grasp. 

---

1:23 Huh? Is Ozymandias English now?

---

1:36 Dr. Manhattan speaks! I appreciate the director not giving him a crazy echo-y, over-processed voice. Because you know the temptation was there.

---

1:49 The owl ship crash landed in the Antarctic. Will we get to see hoverbikes? Let's hope so (but don't hold your breath).

---

1:51 The capture of Rorschach. Frankly, if they get this scene right, that'll go a long way toward making me like the movie. If the actor can nail his screaming "Give me my face back!" it will be worth the price of admission for that alone.

---

2:13 Hmm, nuclear dream sequence. Does that mean we'll get to see Silk Spectre's boobs? 

---

2:29 Release date is still set for 3/06/2009. Let's hope this means that the legal wrangling over studio rights has been settled. I'll be super pissed if this thing is delayed.

So there you have it. I'm still hopeful for the movie version that I have in my head, but lots of little things give me pause. 

###

#251 In which our hero posts the first of what will undoubtedly be a long string of Watchmen-related entries.

I’m a big fan of Watchmen.

If you’re not familiar with this graphic novel, then follow the link to the Wikipedia article, which gives a thorough introduction to the story. Or, better yet, run out to your local comic book store and pick up your own copy. With the movie coming out in early ’09, they’re sure to keep some in stock.

In all fairness, I warn you now that I assume that anyone who bothers to read this blog is already familiar with the story. As such, I’m not going to make any effort to keep it spoiler-free. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

The Watchmen comic book was originally published in 1986, so it’s not like it’s anything new. Shortly thereafter, talk began of turning it into a film. In fact, several famous directors began work on it… and they all petered out in the end.

And understandingly so. Even though it was originally published as a 12-issue limited series, the scope of it is immense, intimidating so. It has been said that this single comic book story forever changed the way comics are regarded. Now, that might be a bit of hyperbole, it’s not like suddenly post-1987 that comics are regarded as true literature in this country; but there’s no doubting that Watchmen is in a league of its own. It’s so dense, thematically and visually, that it really takes a couple of readings to really appreciate it. Being that I was only 17 when I first read it means that a lot of it went over my head. I think it’s a testament to the storytelling that when I read it now (in the collected graphic novel format, of course, my single issues safely bagged and boarded and set aside) it still holds up amazingly well; in fact, I suspect I enjoy it more now.

Yeah, I’m a fan.

So, back to the movie. I remember reading a bootleg copy of a script proposal in 1988 or so. It was written by Sam Hamm (a name that’s easy to remember) and someone who was no stranger to comic book movies.

The script sucked.

Mr. Hamm apparently is of the group of people who think the original story in the comic is unfilmable, so he chucked everything except the characters and created his own story; one that VERY loosely followed the original plot.

Being that I’m such a fan of the comic, I secretly wanted to see it become a film. I had assumed that it would be an animated movie, since that seemed like the easiest route to create a film that’s faithful to the comic. And, every couple of years, I hear something about the movie switching directors or a new script being shopped around… I didn’t really expect it to ever happen.

Then… it was announced that this Zack Snyder guy was going to make the film. I never saw 300, his big directing claim to fame… but I heard it was good and it was loyal to the comic. I took a wait and see attitude, since the project had fallen through so many times before.

But, a cast was announced and little bits and pieces of the production were released to the Internet (including some very convincing sets) and it seemed like this film might actually happen.

I was excited, of course. I mean, what fanboy can claim in good conscious that he wasn’t thrilled to see one frame of Rorschach in the 300 clip?

You know you were. But I was still tempering my excitement. I was excited to see Ang Lee’s Hulk, too, and that, of course, was a gigantic steaming turd of a movie.

Then Snyder released images of the cast in their costumes. I was impressed. They were updated from the comic book costumes; but I’m okay with that because if we’ve learned anything about comic book movies it’s that the spandex costumes generally don’t translate to the big screen very well. They captured the flavor of the original costumes without looking completely hokey.

But, we still hadn’t seen any real footage of the film, and we hadn’t seen Dr. Manhattan at all. Being that he was a glowing blue naked guy, the chances of him looking stupid seemed high. I was still holding out any judgment until I saw something real.

And then, the trailer was released.

Holy. Shit.

How blown away were you, you ask? Why, let me tell you, second by second, how blown away I am.

0:23 Jon Osterman in the Intrinsic Field Chamber. What’s he holding in his hand? Janey Slater’s watch, of course. Awesome visualization of what happened to him in the comic.

---

0:31 Owl Ship! And it looks great!

---

0:40 Silk Specter! Her costume is a pretty big departure from the comic, but I have to say I like it. Sexy.

---

0:42 Nite-Owl kicks some ass while busting out Rorschach!

---

0:44 Blake takes a big fall.

---

0:46 Ozymandias. I’m a little disappointed that they cut right to him after the previous scene. I mean, no-one who hasn’t read the book gets the significance of that, I guess, but it still feels like an unnecessary giveaway.

Speaking of Ozymandias, his costume looks like the biggest departure from the comic. And I’m not sure why… the comic book costume looks like it would have translated without a lot of fuss. But, we probably will see Veidt actually in costume only a small fraction of the movie, so I suppose it doesn’t really matter. Looks like he’s standing in front of the wall of monitors in his Antarctic fortress.

---

0:48 Osterman begins to reform himself! This seems like a detail that, while visually really cool, could be glossed over due to lack of time. It’s exciting to me that they’re going to include it.

---

0:52 Rorschach’s capture. Can’t wait to see this.

---

0:54 I can’t quite figure out everything that’s going on with Silk Specter’s costume. Am I seeing her nipples here?

---

0:56 Dr. Manhattan! And here I was worried that we wouldn’t see him until the movie actually came out. And he looks awesome!

---

1:05 This is the “Guess what? Not really a kid’s movie!” moment as the Comedian burns some surrendering Vietnamese alive…

---

1:07 … and likes it.

---

1:19 Jeez, okay, I was wrong, I get it, you ARE going to show Dr. Manhattan! I don’t need to see him fully naked in the trailer!

---

1:29 Rorschach fighting Jacobi? Another level of detail I wouldn’t have expected.

---

1:30 Veidt about to kill his “attacker.” For some reason I really dig this move.

---

1:32 Huh, what’s going on here? From the snow, I’d guess this is Nite-Owl’s reaction to Rorschach’s final demise. But he wasn’t there in the comic, and if he were, I don’t think this is how he would have reacted. Hmm, troublesome.

---

1:33 And if you didn’t get it that this isn’t a kid’s movie… here’s Dr. Manhattan blowing up a retreating Vietnamese soldier.

---

1:40 Rorschach speaks! This isn’t had I imagined his voice would sound… but then again, I realize that I don’t know what I expected his voice to sound like. The comic makes a big deal about how monotone his voice is, and there’s a little more inflection then I would have guessed. And how do you even approach that, as an actor? Your only reference is that when he talks in the comic his word balloons are more jagged than the other characters. Not much to go on. Like many other things, I’m willing to let this slide until I see how it plays out in the movie. Also, I have to add: really ballsy move on Zack Snyder’s part to include Rorschach’s voice in the trailer. This is potentially something that will really polarize the fanboys, so getting it right out there from the beginning is a bold move.

---

1:44 Speaking of Rorschach… the way his mask changes? Again, now how I had imagined it, but damn cool.

---

1:46 Holy shit… the glass fortress on Mars? Are you kidding me? Is there anything you’re going to leave out of the movie?

So yeah… I’m pretty psyched about this flick. I only hope the actual movie lives up to the images we’ve seen so far. Don’t fuck me on this, Snyder!

###

#219 In which our hero discusses Heroes, heroes and Hiro's.

ince I owe the world a post and I owe the lovely Miss Kate an email reply, why not kill two birds with one stone?

Miss Kate is a Heroes nerd just like me, and she emailed me yesterday with comments about the premier. Her thoughts are presented in orange, which my disjointed ramblings follow.

BTW, this reminds me a great deal of how a friend and I used to discuss the X-Files after every episode. One of us would call and the other would answer, saying simply “discuss.” Glad to see that six years later my complete nerdity hasn’t wore off one bit.

So, didja watch it last night?? I did. If you didn't, read no further.

See? This is why I like Miss Kate. So considerate.

I'm a little miffed about the very obvious Nissan Rogue product placement - but I guess that's the price you pay when they sponsor your "less commercials than usual" premier.

Being in the advertising industry, I’m torn. I mean, I wasn’t surprised at all that a Nissan was featured prominently because you’re right… Nissan was paying top dollar for that sponsorship, and they had every right to get something in return.

That said, it was a little heavy-handed when HRG gave Claire the keys to the car and she said, “The Rouge?!” It feels obnoxious to me mostly because the scene didn’t work. Mostly because nobody knows what the Rouge is. It’s a new model, and doesn’t have much in the way of buzz yet. If it had been a known quantity like, say, a Mustang or a Mini Cooper, then it would have made sense. Instead, we’re left to wonder why this girl is so excited about a new mid-level car that no-one has ever heard of and that’s not especially sexy to look at.

But, this is product placement at it’s greatest. And before anyone bashes Nissan too much, you should really spot and take a look at your favorite show next time. It’s no coincidence that every can of soda has it’s label perfectly oriented so you can see the brand name.

In the product placement biz, there’s three levels:

• Product appears in the background at some point in the show.
• A character interacts with the product; picking it up, moving it, etc.
• A character interacts with the product and mentions the brand by name.

Clearly, the premier hit big on all three. But honestly, I’m willing to deal with a little intrusive product placement for limited commercial interruption. We probably got 10 minutes more show because of Nissan’s sponsorship. And the Nissan was only really featured at that one point… be glad that the plot didn’t hinge on that car or something equally annoying.

Actually, what I found even more obnoxious was that when the show did go to commercial, Nissan only had ONE Rouge spot (with some subtle versioning) to show.

The new kid that's kind of stalking Claire from school is creeping me out. I don't like that he followed her home.

Agreed. And he has his own powers, huh? And it’s flight, too… just like Claire’s birth-father (Nathan). Hmm… maybe Nathan was fooling around with women other than just Claire’s birth-mother?

I like that her dad put his new manager in his place. I hope he broke his finger.

I guess. But how realistic is that, really? He wouldn’t just get fired? Come on… this feels like a lazy way for him to have a job as a cover story (but it’s still dealing with paper products, which I think is a nice touch).

I'm still wondering what Mama Petrelli and Hiro's Dad's powers are/were.

Me too. I’m still assuming that they do have powers… but they’ve only been shown as puppet masters/power brokers up until this point. Do they really have powers? And in the case of Hiro’s father we can assume his power isn’t/wasn’t flight.

I have no clue who killed Hiro's dad. Could have been Sylar (maybe). Could have been Nathan (maybe). Could be someone we've not met yet.

Sylar doesn’t really make sense, because his thing isn’t murder, per se, but rather the “collecting” of powers. Whatever he does (actually eat the brains or just fool around with them) seems to take a little time; so this doesn’t seem like his MO at all. Nathan? Could be, but I doubt it. I’m going with someone we haven’t seen yet.

I'm totally curious about who is stalking Molly in her nightmares.

Yeah, the new Big Bad! I’m guessing we won’t see him/her/it for a while. At least not until Sylar leaves the show to go film Star Trek XI.

I'm curious to know how Peter got cuffed inside a storage container, wearing that half-DNA symbol pendant, with apparent amnesia.

Amnesia! The ultimate panacea for what ails ya (or the plot) in the comic book world! I’m not bashing the writers, I think, again, it fits in well with the comic book feel of the series. And I am also, of course, curious as hell as to what happened.

And I have to say that I’m surprised that they didn’t try to string out the mystery of the Petrelli brothers (are they alive? Are they dead?) for a longer time. But it’s cool… I find it really interesting that even though everyone came together at the end of season one, that now everyone is spread out again. They know of each other, and a few of them are actually working together (notably Mohinder and HRG) but they didn’t come together like the new Justice League or something. I mean, Niki, D.L. and Micah didn’t even appear in the episode! That’s pretty impressive, I think.

I really want to know how that symbol plays into everything - starting as the symbol for that Kensei guy, being tattooed on Nikki's shoulder, being the pendant around Peter's neck, and also the "sign" that "you're going to die" by the hand of a member of your little mutant clique.

Yeah, I really hope the writers can pay that off. I hope it doesn’t become their version of “The Trust is Out There” with the X-Files; where we finally learned the truth at the end, and it was that aliens really are real and the government is working with them to… do what again? Something with bees? Shit, ya lost me.

Anyway, it’s really intriguing.

And, last I checked, wasn't Mohinder *already* working for The Company when he was curing Molly last season???? What's with this guy following him around Egypt to ask him to join them... again.

I’m not real clear on this bit either. Are we talking about the same Company? Maybe these are different guys? I dunno.

Finally, I have to say that I think the writer’s are taking a bit of a chance. There’s probably a lot of people who never watched season one, but heard good things about the show, who are willing to give it a go now. But that premier wasn’t that easy of an entryway to the show… if you don’t already know what happened in season one, you would probably become lost really quickly. I mean, it’s good for us… we don’t have to slog through a bunch of backstory we already know; but I just hope it’s not bad for the show (because they still need to keep ratings up).

But all in all, I fun start to the season.

PS: My big hunch for this season? Kensei, the legendary hero that Hiro worships? Hiro is going to do all those heroic deeds of legend, effectively becoming Kensei himself. Meaning that in the future he never stole Kensei’s sword… it was his own sword all along.

###

CAPE SHAPE part the last

I know, I know, I’ve really be remiss on my Who Wants to be a Super Hero? updates. But, in truth, I really lost interest by the end. I missed one episode because I was out of town, then only caught the tale end of the following week… and by that time, I found myself no longer really giving a crap.

Honestly, I think my joy for the program left me when Mindset was booted. Mindset! He had the geek cred, took the comic book superhero behavior totally to heart… then was kicked off the show for no good reason. Feh! Feh on you, Stan Lee!

But, I dunno. Maybe the thrill of seeing real people dressed up as superheroes has faded; maybe I got my fill last season. Or, maybe it just doesn’t have the same excitement level when you can turn on another show, namely Heroes on NBC, and see people acting like superheroes who can actually, you know, act. And the story line is a tad more engaging than who stole Stan Lee’s pencil.

But anyway, to wrap this up in the most half-ass way possible:

• The final three where The Defuser, Hyper-Strike and Hygena. This trio is incredibly similar to the final three from last year (i.e., Major Victory, Feedback and Fat Momma).
• There were some final challenges, I guess, and… well, honestly, I turned on the finale and was only about 10 minutes into it when The Scientist came into the room naked and, well, you can guess the rest.
• I did manage to catch the last 15 minutes or so, just as Stan was interviewing the final three one-on-one. And here’s why I can never be on that show: I don’t have a good sob-story revolving around comics. The Defuser spilled his guts and revealed how his sister got into drugs as a young woman, and how he wanted to “pull a superhero off the pages of my comics to help her!” Hygena declared that the show had given her the strength to try to get pregnant again after a horrible late-term miscarriage. I missed Hyper Strike’s interview, but I’m sure it involved a horrible traffic accident in which his parents were killed and he had to wrap their bloody bodies in the pages of Action Comics #52 or some such shit.
• In the end, it was The Defuser. And the twelve people still watching simultaneously said, oh yeah, the cop. Sure, that makes sense. Once this guy said, “I’ve dedicated my life to fighting crime as a police officer” I don’t think even Stan The Man could come up with a reason not to have him win it all. He’s a real hero, putting his life on the line--in a very real sense--to help the public. Even crazy ole’ Stan couldn’t ignore that.

So, it’s done. I’m sure casting for season three will be happening soon (if it’s not already happening). But I don’t think I’ll be auditioning.

Then again, I do have this cool idea about an intergalactic police force…

###

CAPE SHAPE part V

Oh, SciFi Channel, you never fail to provide entertainment that is so horrifying bad, that’s it’s good! Wait, no, it’s not. It’s just bad.

Take episode five of Who Wants to be a Superhero? Just when you think it can’t get any more cheeseball… it does.

So the superheroes return from the rooftop elimination challenge “stunned” that two of them were kicked off. But I have to say… really? Stunned? Isn’t one of them maybe, just maybe, thinking “Fantastic! That puts me one closer to the big prize”?

When they get back to the lair, they discover it’s been ransacked by Dr. Dark! And by “ransacked” I mean stuff’s been tossed around! A little bit! And, um, someone pulled the sheets off of one of the beds. And carefully tipped over a coffee mug. The heroes, of course, are shaken to their very core. Or so they say. However, I gotta think that at this point it’s becoming hard to really muster up a shit. They’ve been running around for a week in tights, and something must be chaffing. Does anyone really care that a poor AD had to come in and toss around some papers? Well, apparently Whip-Snap does, because the competition has become “too much” for her to handle.

At this point, I have to mention that I have no tolerance whatsoever for people on reality shows who start whining about how hard everything is. It’s a competition, you knew going in that you’d have to perform dumbass stunts and see your fellow housemates kicked out, one by one. Contestants who can’t differentiate between making friends and attempting to win a prize have no business being there. Suck it up. Stay in touch after the show is over, if you’d like, but keep your eye on the prize while you’re there.

But Whip-Snap starts to cry, again, saying how she doesn’t have any family, and this is her family and it’s so hard to see them go, blah, blah, blah. I’ve heard all about her problems by now. Matter of fact, Whip-Snap has received a lot to TV time. Certainly more than Basura or Hyper-Strike. It’s almost like the producers are letting us, the audience, get to know her better for some reason. Like, maybe, so that when she wins it won’t be a surprise? That she’ll seem like the natural choice? I give Whip-Snap a 60% chance of winning.

Back to the challenges.

The team has to go to a park and intercept a currier who is trying to pass off their secrets. But they have to be in disguise to do it. Because that’s what superheroes in the comics do: when a bad guy has sensitive information, they dick around and try to trick the bad guy into giving up the goods. Because using their super powers to get the job done would just be dumb.

But! The very best park is that their mission comes not from Stan Lee, but for “Erin Esurance” who is, I’m sure you know, the animated cartoon spy girl from the E-surance commercials. The heroes all pay close attention while she’s talking, but you know they’re thinking: good lord, SciFi, isn’t this taking product placement a little too far?

(Side note: when I did a Google:images search for the Erin Esurance image I linked to above, I got a distrubing number of returns with her naked. Just sayin'.)

And, of course, during the challenge there’s a secret challenge within the challenge. And Boob-sura misses the boat completely when a stranger asks, “Can you help me find my daughter?” and she doesn’t immediately drop everything to help. Thing is, on this show, if a stranger ever asks you for a favor, you need to be, “Can I help you? You’re goddamn right I can help you! What do you need? Money? A lift to the liquor store? Handjob? Name it and it is yours, citizen!”

As soon as she waffled, the producers probably all high-fived each other.

So Parthenon wins the challenge, and gets a phone call home as a reward. And he’s also allowed someone else to call home, too. Now, I know it can’t be easy to come up with totally new and original challenges/rewards… but does this show need to start cribbing from Survivor so soon? I mean, every season of Survivor has the phone home/visit from your loved one/video message/etc. reward. And by making one of the contestant pick someone else--but only one--it’s clearly designed to stir up some tension between players. Same thing with these dumbass “mission reports.” Blah.

And speaking of Parthenon… he’s a little gay, isn’t he? I mean, I’m not a homophobe, but… wow.

So we finally get to the elimination and to no-one’s surprise Boob-sura is booted. She turns in her costume and reverts to street clothes and, WTF? So, she’s a clown in real life? Is that what she was supposed to be? Huh?

Down to five. Half way there.

Oh! And did everyone catch the trailer for Feedback’s SciFi TV movie? MEGASNAKE! From the commercial it looks like it will live up to the high standards set by other SciFi TV movies, like Mansquito or S.S. Doomtrooper.

Next week! Dr. Dark has isolated Stan Lee’s DNA! Oh please, please, please let there be clone Stan Lee! And if it’s EVIL clone Stan Lee, all past sins will be forgiven!

###

CAPE SHAPE part IV

Missed last week’s episode. It’s tough to tell what really happened from SciFi.com’s brief synopsis of the episode, but it sounds like more of the same old-same old. It’s becoming clear that the producers can find something to criticize any superhero for at any time, so actual performance seems to fall second to whatever scripted results they have in mind. However, I will give them credit for booting Mr. Mitzvah so early. This guy tended to rub the others wrong, so keeping him around would have been a nice source of tension. And they booted Ms. Limelight, too! This really surprises me, since she’s so young and there’s so much opportunity to what her grow and become a stronger person and a real superhero and blah-da-blah-da-blah. Out of all the cast members she bugged me the most, so no tears shed on her leaving.

Next week! The superheroes are shocked to find that the safe holding their secret identities has been compromised! Holy shit! I guess Dr. Dark figured out how to use IMDb!

###

CAPE SHAPE part III

Mindset?! Ah, bullshit! As much as I love the camp of Who Wants to be a Superhero? the rampant hypocrisy and obvious scripting of this “reality” show drives me nuts.

I missed the very beginning of last night’s episode (damn kids! Can’t you just go to bed without all the brushing of teeth and reading of stories and tucking in? Don’t you see that daddy has TV to watch?!) so I missed the exchange between Miss Limelight and Mindset. Apparently, it went something like this:

MISS LIMELIGHT: People think I’m stupid!
MINDSET: I don’t think you’re stupid. I think you’re just playing a role.
ML: I’m not playing a role! This is how I really am!
MS: Oh, so you really are stupid. I get it.

Or something. But before this carefully edited drama can play out any more, the heroes are summoned to stop the newest super-villain in town, Bee Sting! The nefarious force of evil captures our heroes and forces them to… SPELL!

The horror!

I know these are just regular people and you can’t very well make them physically duke it out with super villains (actors) but come on… a spelling bee? Really? I guess you can’t make every challenge physical like the first one, but never in middle school would I have guessed that my destiny as a superhero would depend on “i before e expect after c.”

Full disclosure: even though I’m a writer by trade, I’m a terrible speller. If I was on that show when they revealed the challenge, I’d be all “Well shit. I’m done. Can I just turn in my tights now?”

However, as it turns out, most of them were terrible spellers. Even when they figured out the twist (“She’s BEE Sting, so everything has to be spelled with B-E-E!”) they couldn’t spell worth crap.

But I do have to say that releasing real bees in with them was pretty hard core. I don’t really think there were as many bees as they made them out to be (I suspect some sharp editing there) but it looked like people really got stung. I imagine the form you had to sign to get on the show read: Are you allergic to bee stings? Serious, we need to know, no fucking around: [ ] YES [ ] NO.

And here’s the first place I call bullshit on Stan. Mindset refuses to play along with Bee Sting’s weird spelling game. I was all, “Right on, Mindset! Stay true to your character! Live it, baby!” Yeah, his team lost points because of it, but fighting against the will of the bad guys is what being a hero is all about, right?

Apparently not.

Stan reamed him for letting his ego get in the way of helping his team. Said he was “a smart man, but not wise.” Stan seemed to be saying that sometimes you have to do the bidding of the bad guys in order to achieve “the greater good.” Really Stan? This from the “great power comes great responsibility” guy? I thought Mindset very elegantly stated his case, saying that to purposefully misspell a word would be tantamount to lying, and he respected the truth too much to do that. And that any of his team mates would risk minor injury in order to preserve the truth. To which I said, Fucking-A, Mindset! He was really playing the part of a comic book superhero; much more than any of the others.

But in the end, it wasn’t good enough. Clearly Mindset’s number was up, and no amount of well thought out rhetoric was going to save him. Pity too. As far as how to act like a hero in the made-up reality of funny books, this Mindset guy got it.

And this is what drives me crazy about the show. As Stan berated him his “pride” I could just as easily imagine Stan saying something like “A hero is always loyal to the truth! Even at cost to his own personal safety. That is what being a superhero is really about!” So Mindset, the ONE guy out of the entire cast to stand up to the villain gets the boot, and Mr. Mitzvah, who cowered under a blindfold whimpering “oy, meshuggna bees!” gets to stay. That’s great.

And the other great hypocrisy moment of the show: the heroes get their new costumes and Hyper-Strike doesn’t like his. He’s respectful about it, telling Stan that he just wasn’t digging the tights, and missed his old costume. Now, you’ll remember the hullabaloo from last season when Stan gave Ty’Veculus a ridonkulous costume, just to test to see if he’d object or not. He played along just to make Stan happy, only to be lambasted later for lying about liking his new outfit. He was ultimately told to put his old costume back on.

But this time, the heroes were all given decent costumes, and Stan seemed a little offended that one of them would dare to not like what he created. “I designed that costume myself, y’know” he chided Hyper-Strike. Instead of complimenting him on his honesty and letting him go back to his old costume, Stan motored ahead, saying “give it a couple days. See if you like it then.” And Hyper-Strike wisely got the hint, later in the show saying “Y’know what? Stan was right. I do like this new costume.” Silently adding, “There, I said it. Can I stay now?”

So my favorite is out. And, Whip-Snap’s story arc continues to build. The “overcoming adversity” element and “earning the admiration of her fellow team mates” story elements have been covered; I expect next week she will do something that “demonstrates her inner strength” or her “hidden bravery” or some-such.

I put Whip-Snap’s odds of winning it even-up now.

Oh, and if you’re not watching “The Aftershow” at SciFi.com, you’re missing some good stuff. Feedback, continuing his supergeek journey which will ultimately end in clinical depression and alcoholism, interviews those kicked off the show--in full costume, of course (him, not them). But Mindset is incredible in the interview, and just reinforced that this guy really committed to the idea of being a comic book superhero, and still is. His unspoken, "Stan, WTF?” is clear throughout. My favorite part, speaking of the spelling bee: “It was a boring challenge. Then they dumped honey on us. It was a little too Nickelodeon, if you ask me.”

For the future!

###

CAPE SHAPE part II

So yeah, I watched the premier of Who Wants to be a Superhero? And my first reaction was, “eh.”

I don’t know if the excitement of seeing real people in silly superhero costumes has already waned since season one, but I wasn’t that impressed. I mean, even the best of reality TV is pretty formulaic, and this was no exception: all the heroes meet for the first time, Stan Lee appears on the big screen TV, they have to immediately jump into a mission, once resolved they hang out at the lair, they get another mission, then that night someone is arbitrarily cast out. End of show.

Things that stick out in my memory:

Feedback. Oh, poor sweet Feedback. The uber-geek winner from season one. This guy was promised fame, fortune and his own SciFi Network-produced TV movie… and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t received any of those yet. Well, maybe a little fame, in the insular geek universe, at least. I know he was at Mid-Ohio Con (Columbus, OH comic book convention) and I bet he was in San Diego for Comic-Con this past week. As far as comic book geeks go, he’s a lot more famous than me, I guess.

And he seems more than happy to don his costume again and gather up the contestants for the show; sneaking into their homes and workplaces to announce, “Stan wants you!”

The first challenge. I thought this challenge was actually pretty… challenging. Rather physical right out of the box. I thought they played up the “you’ve got to use teamwork!” angle a bit much… all you really needed was one big guy to handle the heavy lifting.

And it’s with challenges like this that I have a problem with the show. They are all supposed to be superheroes, with super powers, right? At least two of these heroes list flight as a power, and Mindset claims to have telekinesis… so why not use your powers? I know, I know, it’s not real, and I’m willing to suspend my disbelieve to a certain degree… but the premises of the show is that this is real, that Stan is shaping real superheroes. Why not create some excuse for them to not use their powers? All Stan has to say is something like, “Heroes, in this challenge I want to see how you would handle it if a supervillian managed to steal your powers!” or “There will be many civilians nearby in this challenge, so please don’t use your powers!”

Defuser. This guy quickly established himself as a leader, if not THE Leader (well, not The Leader, of course. BTW--best villain ever, and rumored to be in the new Hulk movie). Anyway, this guy’s a cop in real life, so no surprise that he’s large and in charge. I’m torn if this is a good thing or not… every team needs a leader, but Stan seems to favor the geeky underdog (witness Feedback). Stan may be looking for any excuse to eliminate the guy. Such as…

The second challenge. Hey, looks like the contestants were paying attention to season one! I’m glad to see none of them were lured into revealing their secret identities, and obvious superhero faux-pas that many of the heroes fell into last season. But then, most of them dropped the ball once they left the warehouse, especially Defuser, who was so focused on getting tires back on the trucks that he missed the real challenges.

Now, it can’t be easy to be on this show. I mean, set aside the fact that you’re wearing a ridiculous costume, but you’re under scrutiny at every moment and you’re just waiting for the next test. So when you come out of the warehouse to find your cars wheel-less, I’m sure it’s easy to think, “Holy shit, we need to get those tires back on the trucks, and like now!” Because it’s not a far stretch to imagine Stan berating them if they didn’t do it toot-sweet: “Heroes, what if there was another emergency?! A true superhero must be ready to react at a moment’s notice!” So they jump into action and most of them don’t notice the little old lady and guy carrying boxes and the dog--even thought the “lost dog” seemed like a real stretch. (Which, by the way, the SciFi website describes as an “obviously lost and frightened dog” to which I say buuuuull-shit! That dog laid on the sideway and calmly looked around. If it was howling or crying, it would have been one thing. But anyway.

So yeah, it’s got to be a tough call between jumping in and solving the obvious challenge and stopping to look around to see if there’s a more subtle challenge involved. Which, frankly, there always is. If these guys are smart they’ll figure that out and start to assign a person or two as lookouts for every challenge.

Mr. Mitzvah. Holy shit! Did I say in my last post that he was too ethnic? I had no idea. I mean, there’s no way that the guy really talks like that. He’s doing a dead-on impersonation of Jackie Mason! Oy vey! I’m kibitzing with the meshuggner when the shiksa drops the latke and she gets verklempt and oy gevalt the crying!

Ms. Limelight. Is she really only 18? Jesus, she’s certainly annoying enough for it. She was on the chopping block last time, here’s hoping she gets canned next go-round. I don’t think I can take much more of that voice.

Next week! New costumes! Mazal tov!

###

CAPE SHAPE, part I.

Mark your calendars for July 26, 2007. That’s when Who Wants to be a Superhero, season 2 premiers.

I am, of course, psyched!

Last season never let me down with the unfailing onslaught of cheesy nonsense, created and ring-led by Stan "The Man" Lee. I expect season 2 to do the same, and then some. Oh, Stan Lee, you bat-shit crazy old man, how I love you!

I seriously considered trying out for season two, but I never really got past the origin story stage. And it really seems like you have to go to a cattle-call to grab the producer’s attention. So who knows… maybe next time.

Let’s take a look at this season’s heroes!

NAME: The Defuser
SUPER POWERS: Gadgeteer; enhanced physical abilities, night vision.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 4 (He looks like a cop, and who’s going to argue with that?)
COMMENTS: Nice package of powers that make sense together. Refuses to use firearms and fights drug dealers… Stan’s gotta love that!
CHANCE OF WINNING: 25% (he looks serious… a little too series. Unless he turns out to be a huge geek, Stan is going to pass him over for a more established resident of geektown.)



NAME: Ms. Limelight
SUPER POWERS: Can emulate powers of action movie stars.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 2 (fringe? No thank you)
COMMENTS: “Vulnerability: She has very sensitive legs: if someone tells her to ‘break a leg,’ it really breaks!” WTF? I’d call her origin story really stupid, but it’s very similar to Feedback’s from last season, and we know how it turned out for him!
CHANCE OF WINNING: 5% (Her power sounds dumb and, again, fringe?)



NAME: Hyper-Strike
SUPER POWERS: Martial artist; “can turn his own sweat into a weapon” (WTF?); can manipulate his own chi and that of others.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 3 (nicely put together; but with those tights, I’m a little afraid that I’m going to see more than I want.
COMMENTS: Love his nemesis (Komodo, a lizardman bent on becoming the world’s greatest fighter), but his vulnerability is profuse sweating? Yuck.
CHANCE OF WINNING: 35% (tough call on this guy… he’ll either go pretty far, or get on everyone’s nerves and burn out in the first couple episodes.)


NAME: Whip-Snap
SUPER POWERS: Master of the whip, can turn her foes to dust.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 4 (I dig the cowboy influence and, again, nice bod doesn’t hurt)
COMMENTS: I’ll give this lady huge points is she can really do tricks with her whip. Her vulnerability is asthma? Come on…
CHANCE OF WINNING: 10% (A little too series, and Stan has long held a dislike for heroes who use weapons.)




NAME: Mindset
SUPER POWERS: Telekinesis; danger sense.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 3 (4 if that light on his chest actually works)
COMMENTS: “Nemesis: Sigmus, a Galactic Starlord from Mindset’s future.” Awesome! “Catch phrase: For the future!” Double awesome!!
CHANCE OF WINNING: 75% (he has the geek-cred in spades and really went for it, costume-wise. I think this guy is smart money.)




NAME: Basura
SUPER POWERS: Communicates with insects and small animals, can tell how any object was created; turns trash into robots.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (0-5): 4 (lots of skin, and the body to pull it off)
COMMENTS: Flakey artist-type, Odd hodge-podge of powers. On the plus side: nice bode and not afraid to show it off!
CHANCE OF WINNING: Zero (I’ll bet you dollars to donuts that she’s going to be so consumed with telling the other heroes about how you can turn trash into treasure, “Like I do with my art work” that she’ll break character and be out in the first four shows.)


NAME: Mr. Mitzvah
SUPER POWERS: Flight, night vision, super-strength, enhanced senses AND a magic Star of David ping-pong paddle!
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 4 (it’s working for me, and the white hair pulls it all together)
COMMENTS: Unlikely that someone so ethnic will win, but Stan is a Jew himself, so who knows?
CHANCE OF WINNING: Zero (The ethnic thing. Do you know what religion Superman is? How about Captain America? No? Exactly.)



NAME: Braid
SUPER POWERS: Shape shifter (so far so good); braids act as tentacles to snare foes (okaaay); rainbow eyelids take digital photos (huh?); superior sense of small (um, sure); transforms into Braid with Prism Stone (what now?).
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 2 (I get the concept, but still think it looks dumb)
COMMENTS: Her power is lost if you cut her braids… that’s a cool Stan Lee-esque vulnerability.
CHANCE OF WINNING: Zero (She’s probably get further than she should, but there’s no getting around the fact that she has Rainbow Brite hair).


NAME: Parthenon
SUPER POWERS: Gains super strength, limited invulnerability, flight and more from his “Armaguard,” an ancient Atlantian gauntlet.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 2 (dude, lift some weights)
COMMENTS: Love the origin story and nemesis. And the catch phrase, “Rock on!” Because he uses magical rocks for power, get it? Stan will.
CHANCE OF WINNING: 40% (My dark horse to win. He looks like a geek, and I bet he talks and acts like a geek, too.)




NAME: Hygena
SUPER POWERS: Uses weapons created from cleaning tools.
COSTUME COOLNESS FACTOR (1-5): 1 (as if I needed another reason not to like this hero, her costume is stupid)
COMMENTS: Ugh, a gimmicky hero, ala “Cell Phone Girl” from last season.
CHANCE OF WINNING: Zero. (Stan likes cheesy, but this is too stupid even for him. That said… Fat Momma got into the finals last time, so we’ll see.)



General comments: I’ve based my who will win opinions strictly on costume and publicity shots; we’ll see how much that changes after the first episode.

Also, again based on appearances, these contestants have learned something from season one. Namely, if you are a woman and you have a decent body, show it off. And, street hockey gear makes good armor.

Here’s hoping they took note of the fact that they need to be superheroes ALL THE TIME. Stan Lee is watching your every movement, and it’s not going to fly if you break character, even for a moment.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this season won’t be as obviously orchestrated as last season. And, of course, I pray that it will be just as chock-full of dumbass stunts as season one. Excelsior!

###

#208 In which our hero discusses Heroes.

If you don’t watch Heroes, then this entire post will be meaningless to you. Come back later, after the geek smell has dissipated.

Still here? Good. So, yeah, season finale of Heroes last night. It’s odd, I find myself enthusiased and a little let down at the same time. It was good, but I guess I expected more… a real barn-burner, knock-down drag-out confrontation between Peter and Sylar, for starters. But it was a much quieter episode than that; but I still found it satisfying. If that had been the series finale, then no, not so much; but knowing that there’s more adventures to come makes it okay with me. I think it was really smart of the producers to jump right in to the second chapter with Hiro appearing in medieval Japan. Anyone who might have been tempted to say, huh? That’s it? Instead said, oh my, Hiro is in quite a pickle now!

I received an email from friend and fellow blogger Li’l Kate this morning, ranting about the show in eight well-crafted points.

Now, Kate isn’t a comic book geek like me, so I suspect that some of the finer points of comic geekdom are lost on her (and Kate, let me tell you, that’s a good thing). But to really understand Heroes, in my humble opinion, it’s critical to remember that it’s a comic book show. Meaning that even though it’s set in modern day and there’s a pretty faithful adherence to the rules of physics and what-not… the universe of this show is ruled by comic book conventions. Meaning that people often do and say things simply to serve the plot. More on that in a minute.

So, being that I haven’t posted in a bit, I thought I’d share Kate’s questions/observations and my responses here, for the entire world to enjoy. You’re welcome.

1) Sylar totally just *let* Hiro stab him - and it was a pretty good stab, too. I'm not sure how he's going to survive it.

This is my biggest beef about shows/movies like this: characters sometimes forget that they can do things. This is a HUGE comic book convention, and it drives me nuts. The Hiro/Sylar showdown is a perfect example. Sylar can react fast enough to stop BULLETS in mid-air, but he couldn’t sidestep Hiro’s huge thrusting charge? The fact is that the show had set up Sylar to be so powerful that couldn’t be stopped by one man. Until he was stopped by one man. It made for a great dramatic moment (“Yeah! Hiro killed Sylar! He fulfilled his destiny! Ando will be so proud!”) but kinda didn’t make sense.

I thought the show had the right idea when Nikki clubbed him (with a parking meter? Awesome!) but that lasted all of thirty seconds.

So how did Hiro manage to stab Sylar? I think the real answer is “because that’s what the plot said,” but, if we break it down, geek-style, I think there could be other reasons that actually make sense.

• Hiro manipulated time. We know Hiro can completely stop time, but maybe he can do it locally, too. As in he froze Sylar in time just for the split second he needed to run him through. Hiro probably wasn’t even aware that he was doing it.
• Peter affected Sylar. We’ve seen that Peter can move things with his mind, maybe he froze Sylar for a second, or psychicly distracted him for a moment.
• Sylar let Hiro stab him. Sylar says to Peter “You’re the villain. Turns out I’m the hero.” Maybe in Sylar’s twisted mind he was becoming a martyr, transcending the hero role and becoming something greater (which is what he’s wanted from the very beginning). Personally, I think this is the most likely.

2) NOBODY noticed the trail of blood to the *open* sewer lid????? C'mon. Someone as creepy as him - you don't take your eyes off of him even if you think he's dead.

Oh yeah, I agree. Have these guys never seen a horror movie in their lives? When the bad guy looks dead, he's never really dead! But couldn’t you just see that scene as the final page of a comic? With a caption reading “The End?” That’s a total comic book ending and I loved it, even as I was saying “Open your fucking eyes, you retards!”

I’m actually a little disappointed that Sylar wasn’t killed outright (wasn’t Hiro’s father showing him decapitation moves? THAT I would have liked to see). I don’t want the show to turn into The Hunt for Red Sylar. “Molly says he’s in Kansas City! Avengers Assemble!”

3) So.... Peter can survive his own explosion, but his brother can't... do did Nathan just fly him up in the atmosphere, let go and fly away? Or did Nathan bite it? And will Peter remember how to fly back to Earth?

I guarantee you Nathan is dead. He was willing to turn his back and let millions of innocents die, including his own brother. In the comic book world you can only make up for such a sin with a huge personal sacrifice… and in Nathan’s case, it was the ultimate sacrifice.

I actually think Peter is dead and gone, too. I hope he is. His death lends some gravity to the actions of the other heroes. They can die… even the most powerful among them isn’t safe.

Of course, Hiro can bend space and time at will. There’s no reason that he couldn’t pop in at 12,000 feet at the last minute and zap Nathan to safety. Or prevent Peter from ever meeting Ted and absorbing his power in the first place.

That’s the big problem with Hiro's power… if had can literally go to any time or space, why doesn’t he? I give the producers a lot of credit here, they developed Hiro’s character in such a way that he doesn’t go back and fiddle with time simply because he thinks it’s not the right thing to do. And it makes sense, coming from Hiro.

4) I want to know what Mama Petrelli's power is and how many other people (Linderman, Hiro's dad, her, Charles) are in on this little plan, and who agrees with it and who doesn't. Now that the bomb didn't go off, will Mama Petrelli attempt another explosion/disaster with whoever still agrees with her and Linderman? Or were her and Linderman the only ones with that particular vision?

I suspect that the death of Nathan has effectively put to bed their plan of uniting the world under one strong crisis-time leader. But I’m sure they have other plans in the works, and we’ll see them again. With the death of the Petrelli boys, there’s no-one left to defend Mama Petrelli, so she’s free to really become a villain in the future. Only Claire is family, and she’s not likely to start vouching for grandma any time soon.

5) I TOTALLY called that it wasn't Jessica or that Mica was dead and that it was that Candace or whatever her name is. Nailed it. Not saying the show is predictable, but, you know, a moment of pride. ;)

You go, Kate. Own your inner geek. I also saw that coming, but enjoyed how it was played--Nikki and Jessica finally integrating personalities. The only other moment I saw coming was when Horn Rim Glasses told Peter his real first name. Not that it’s a major plot point or anything, but it’s something that the writers have teased us viewers with off and on. It was a nice moment. Also, Noah? That could be a little significant, huh?

6) Who is this new character going to be that Molly is so afraid of - the one who sees her seeing him? Is he going to be another villain? or does he just not like to be spied on? I know I'd be kind of pissed.

Yeah, the big bad for season 2! I suspect we’ll be teased with this Sauron-esque character for a while before he/she/it is actually revealed.

7) If Niki had stayed in the fight with Peter and Sylar, she could have kicked some serious ass. Sylar would NOT have crawled away.

Agreed. I guess integrating the two personalities greatly reduced Jessica’s killer instinct. What, exactly, was she going to do to help D.L.? Looks like all she did was kneel by his side and whisper encouragements. Couldn’t she have taken five minutes to beat Sylar into a bloody pulp with a parking meter first?

8) We never figured out what triggered the "nuclear" response in Peter - what brought it on. Seemed to randomly come out of nowhere every time.

Right. Stress? Fear? I think the true trigger was “the writers think this would be a dramatic moment!” He seemed to be able to control any other power he absorbed just fine… expect for this one. But again, I’m not bad-mouthing the show, because it’s sticking to comic book conventions. Sometimes things happen when they happen. And speaking of comic book conventions… um, Peter? You can fly, remember? If you don’t want to level the city, just fly away. Of course, maybe he can only use one power at a time, and couldn’t fly while glowing. Or something like that.

But overall, I still love the show. I’m very curious to see where they’re going to take it next season. Speaking of which, when I Wiki’d Heroes for some background for this post (oh yes, all my posts are highly researched beforehand) I came across this:

Heroes: Origins, a spin-off from Heroes. So next year there will be even more geeky TV to enjoy.

I’m so excited I could explode!

###

CAP FLAP

As a long-time comic book fan, I find it amusing when something from the comic book world spills out to the general public. This happens a little bit whenever a new superhero movie is released, but that’s generally along the lines of “Hey! I remember the Fantastic Four. And Jessica Alba is HOT!”

But only rarely does something happen that actually gets news coverage. This happened with DC killed off Superman a decade ago (he got better).

And it’s happening right now with the death of Captain America.

Now, no-one is going to say that Captain America (or just “Cap” to us fanboys) is as well-known or iconic as Superman. But people still know who he is and, apparently, are up in arms that he’s been killed.

Personally, I haven’t been reading the “Civil War” story line. I gave up on Marvel cross-overs years ago because they were, without exception, hokey, ham-handed attempts to sell more comics (Um, The Beyonder, anyone?)

But from the little I have read, Civil War sounds like a much more mature (in the sense of a more grown-up theme, not as in lots of bare boobies) comic. I’ll probably pick it up when the inevitable trade paperback comes out. In terms of the plot, Cap dying seems to make sense (in that it’s a senseless killing, if you see what I mean) and not just a ploy to sell more funnybooks.

It’s amusing to see how people outside of the comic world react to the news. These are people who haven’t read a comic book in decades, and couldn’t have told you what the current Captain America story line is if you put a gun to their heads. But I guess they were unconsciously comforted that the red, white and blue masked Avenger was still out there, making the bad guys accountable for their actions. And now that he’s dead, well, good God, who will protect us?!

Of course, no fanboy in his right mind expects Cap to stay dead. If it even is the real Captain America. I mean, there’s no shortage of clones, doppelgangers, shape-shifting aliens and androids in comic books, so it might not even be him.

Also, there’s a plethora of beings in the Marvel Universe who apparently have the power over life and death, so some collective bargaining on the part of the surviving heroes might return Cap to the land of the living.

Or maybe, just maybe, Cap really is dead, and is going to stay that way. That would be an amazing statement from the writers and editors at Marvel, and would really bring home the importance of the Civil War story as it applies to real things happening in our country right now.

But I don’t expect that to happen. Look for the triumphant return of the good Captain (coming soon to a theater near you!)

###