JOKER HOAXER

Macey wants to know, why so serious?

###

#244 In which our hero and his lovely wife do something amazing.

Last Friday The Scientist and I went out! Without children! And met some friends! Out! This is something that we’ve done individually plenty of times, but honestly, I can’t remember the last time we went out together. It was a lot of fun.

My wife orchestrated the affair by calling me on Wednesday and saying, “Hey, do you want to go out Friday? I have a babysitter lined up.” So that was that.

A short time ago I became aware of a restaurant called “Melt Bar & Grilled” which specializes in grilled cheese sandwiches. Being that The Scientist and I both enjoy grilled cheese sandwiches, we wanted to try it out. Actually, when I told her about this place her reaction was, “Holy shit. We HAVE to go there.”

The only hitch was that it was clear across town. Now, Cleveland has this odd east side/west side thing where people don’t like to cross the river. We don’t hold any prejudices against the west side, other than it’s far away. And as soon as we step foot out of the door sans kids, the clock is ticking. In the past we’ve always stayed close to home, just so we could maximize our time. But again, grilled cheese. So we went.

On the way over I called some friends, told them we’d be on their side of the river. They agreed to meet us out and suddenly it was a party!

Melt is a tiny place. And it was already packed when we got there. However, arrived at a good time, around 6pm. Any later and it would have become a big pain in the ass to secure a table for seven. We had a drink at the bar while we waited for everyone else to get there.

Now, Melt also has an extensive beer selection… which would matter if I was a beer drinker. Which I’m not. But, they did have a hard cider on tap, which was nice. The Scientist had her heart set on a Snakebite, which is half cider and half beer (usually Harp--this is very different then the shooter we called Snakebites in college). The bar didn’t have Harp on tap, but they did have it in bottles. The bartender acted like it wasn’t at all a pain in the ass to make this thing with half cider on tap and half bottle beer, which she then stowed in the ice.

A word on this bartender. She was petite and kinda cute, in a heavily tattooed and pierced way. In fact, it seemed like it was mandated to be tattooed and/or pierced to work there, judging by the employees we saw. Our bartender wore the lowest-cut jeans I’ve ever seen in the flesh. She also had some tattoo I couldn’t quite discern on her hip running south. The combination of the two resulted in me starring quite intently at her crotch. Not that I meant to, but my eyes were drawn to it. “What the heck is that tattoo?” I thought. “Also, did I just see labia?” Obviously there was some serious shaving going on, which prompted the same old always-rejected request of my wife. I felt a little dirty about looking, but my wise wife reminded me that it was most likely calculated to generate a bigger tip. Which, now that I think about it, backfired bigger than hell because we transferred our bar tab to the table when we were sat… and unless The Scientist left some money when I wasn’t looking, I don’t think we tipped her at all. Oops. We suck.

Anyway, once everyone was there we ordered and eat an obscene amount of bread and cheese. But good Lord, was it good. At this point I was on my second pint of cider, and The Scientist was on her second Snakebite.

And here’s where I realized that sometimes I’m a bit over-protective of my wife. We hadn’t eaten anything since lunch when we got there, and the first drink was hitting me kind of hard, and I was sure it was affecting my wife ever more. Judging by her rising voice and level of silliness, I can say this with some level of confidence. By the time we had both finished our second (with food this time, thankfully) I figured we should both be done… me because I was driving, and her because… well, because I’ve seen what happens when she partakes too much.

The idea was floated of going out to another bar for more drinks and I, well, I turned into a bit of a dick. I’m not proud of it, but it’s true. “Nah,” I said. “I say we hang out here for another half hour then head home.” Of course, when I went to the bathroom I was overruled in absentia. Apparently, the conversation when something like this:

THE SCIENTIST: Okay, where are we going after this?
OTHER REVELER: Um, I know this nice brew pub close to the highway…
TS: Great! Let’s go there.
OR: Well, I don’t want to upset Craig...
TS: Pfft! He’ll be fine. Let’s go!

But I’m glad we went. It was a nice place, and considerably quieter than Melt. It was nice to sit and talk and laugh too loud and annoy the diners around us. But we didn’t have time for more than a cup of coffee and pie before the clock expired and we had to get back to relieve the babysitter.

We should do stuff like that more often. Even if we have to cross a river to do it.

###

TEA SPREE

About a month ago I was cleaning off my dresser when I came across an individually wrapped tea bag. I don’t remember where I got it or how it got on my dresser, but there it was. It might have been a remnant from my brother-in-law’s gift basket when we flew out to California for his wedding.

I’m not a big tea drinker, but I have read good things about green tea. So, I usually keep a box of green tea in the cabinet, and when I have a hankering for something hot, but can’t be bothered to make coffee, I have a cup of green tea. I like to think that the benefits of the antioxidants and whatnot in there makes up for the generous amount of sugar I use. But anyway, this mysterious tea bag is “Good Earth Teas’ Original Sweet & Spicy.” On a lark, I decide to give it a try.

And wholly Lord, it is the most delicious tea I have ever had.

I cannot get over just how fantastic this tea is. Man! Naturally, I want more of it. So I hit my local grocery store. They don’t have it. I go to the discount grocery next door. They don’t have it. So I go to the Whole Foods, which is a little out of the way. They don’t have it.

I start getting a little desperate.

So I look it up online and, like everything else in the world, you can have it sent right to your doorstep. So I do.

A couple of days later I’m meeting The Scientist and the girls out for dinner. I’m early, so I run over to Wild Oats which is completely out of my way, but close to where we’re eating. I don’t expect them to have my tea either.

But they do.

Elated, I buy a box. Then, a couple of days after that, the tea I ordered online arrives. But here’s the thing: at the time, I was consumed with getting more of this mélange-like tea. I could have just got a single box of tea, but there were considerable savings if I bought multiple boxes.

Thus:

I got six boxes. Seven, if you count the one I bought at the store.

The tea is still delicious, but… well, it appears that now that I have an ample supply, it’s not quite at delicious as it seemed at first.

Does anyone know if you can freeze tea?

###

#243 In which our hero looks at high school photos, part 3

Sorry for the radio silence lately; it's been busy at work and, as you know, I only like to blog on company time. So, here's the final batch of HS photos:

Craig,
"87"
To a great guy with a terrific personality. Remember all the fun times during our senior year and good luck in all your future plans. Oh, I forgot I'm suppose to tell you. Keep the fuzzie naval, it adds to your character. (just kidding)

Love,
Marie

Here's another one that confuses me. Fuzzy Naval? That must mean something, but I have no recollection whatsoever of the context. Given my preference for booze that tastes like candy, you might think it was a drinking thing, but I'm pretty sure it's not. I guess it might have something to do with my actual naval, but damned if I know what Marie might actually have seen that.

Interesting aside: Marie was always a pretty straight-laced girl; we sat next to each other for a couple of classes and she had a dry sense of humor. But at the five year reunion, she showed up and was all slutty looking! It was such a bizarre 180 turn that I didn't know what to make of it. People change, I guess. I'm not saying that she was slutty, just that she dressed that way.

Craig,

To a good looking, sensitive and funny guy. You've been a good friend that I'll never forget. Have fun and good for the rest of your senior year. Keep in touch.

Love,
Kelly

"Good looking" ? That's awesome! I didn't get a lot of comments like that (in fact, including Kelly's I got one comment like that) so that's a nice little ego boost. Kelly was that super quiet and shy girl that never really talked in class. I sat next to her in a couple of classes, and chatted with her. She was really nice. Her sideways message is unique in all the photos I received.

Craig,

To a really sweet and careing guy who can always make you laugh no matter what kind of mood your in. Good luck in the future. Keep in touch.

Love,
Debbie

Another girl in my class. We didn't really hang out in the same circles. She probably had to work to think of something to write. Not sure why she would ID me as "caring." But that's better than "asshole-y."

Craig,
"87"
You're a great friend with a good sense of humor. You always bring a smile to my face.
Remember all of our crazy times in highs school. We've had some really good times. I wish you the best of luck in the future.

Love,
Debi
P.S. I'm still watching out for thunder-storms.

Ah, Debi. Had a huge crush on her our junior and senior years. I thought we would have been an excellent match, boyfriend/girlfriend-wise. Debi, it seems, did not concur. Unlike most of my crushes, I actually tried to do something about this one. Never coming right out and saying, "Hey, you want to date?" of course, but I did take her to lunch, once. But, she only had eyes for an upperclassman named Mike. And he wasn't that interested in her. Oh the humanity!

Also, the thunder storms thing? No idea.

Craig,
You leave me speechless! What can I say!? We've had some pretty wild & crazy times together that I wouldn't have missed for the world! I can't believe we're finally seniors. Never forget the great times our class has shared and hope for more int he future.

Luv,
Lisa

And the final crush of the season (and another redhead, to boot). However, in this case, Lisa and I actually dated for a time. A very brief time. I can't even imagine what a dork I must have been... because I had been crushing on Lisa for some time, then she actually agreed to go out with me (hopefully not by checking the YES box on a mash note, but I don't really remember). I was over the moon. But, this relationship probably lasted all of a couple weeks. I think we kissed maybe once or twice. She pulled the plug, of course.

Years later we made out at a drunken college party. I don't remember much of it. Had I thought that I might have had a snowballs chance of hooking up with her at this party I wouldn't have drunk as much as I did.

So, that's it. Kinda a pathetically small number of photos, huh? I like to think that since my graduating class was small (around 100) that percentage-wise, I'm not that lame. Right? Not that lame? No? Oh well.

###